Today's daily affirmation

[raybear]

Keep coming back.

I've worked with Rockstar Attorney for nearly seven years if you count the time I interned here. I was initially intimidated with a bit of a crush. Later, when I started working full-time, I was slightly less initimidated and slightly more crushed out. I've been pretty neutral for the past three years though.

Except, in certain moments. She primarily led the meeting on gay marriage today, and let me also say, the fact that over half of my co-workers are extremely anti-institutionalization of marriage helped make the meeting much more interesting. So, Rockstar is talking, and I just was struck with one of those rare moments when suddenly I would follow her anywhere and do anything if it meant just listening to her talk and having her look me in the eye. She can have amazing charisma in addition to being articulate. And for one tiny tiny second, I didn't hate my job or even feel bored by it.

Of course now I'm back at my desk with a stack of every damn article printed on the issue and back to being bitter about gay marriage. Sort of like when I was resentful about the sodomy decision coming down on my birthday, so everyone would call the office and say "congratulations!" and I'd be touched until I realized it had nothing to do with me and my day of natal arrival.

Today I'm reading study guide analysis of Proust which is helpful in articulating my random notes on the book, which basically consist of "page 36: that line about time (look up Einstein's theory of time". Or "page 76: description of church bells." Now I'm getting ready to post my first discussion question, but my co-leader posted first. He's a complete tool. I mean, I know that's harsh, but I really want to say he's a moron. And at the risk of being narcissistic, I will give examples to compare and contrast. Please ignore the fact that I translated "significant chunk" to mean "just over half". I'm a writer. I engage in hyperbole.

This was my discussion lead-in:

I will be the first one to say out loud that I have not finished reading this book. And not for lack of trying. I have completed a significant chunk, in part because I knew I was responsible for co-leading the discussion, and I hope after the weekend to have finished the text. I don't want anyone else's inability to finish preclude them from the discussion, so that's why I said it first. Also, I think it would be good to discuss WHY any (or most) of us struggled with it. What specifically made the text dense and difficult to read? Did it make any difference if you approached the book as a writer vs. a reader?

The title of the book is mostly translated as "In Search of Lost Time" though I've also seen it as "Time Regained." How does Proust use (and mis-use?) time throughout the text? What might be his purpose in constructing the narrative in a non-chronological, non-linear manner? And how does this relate to memory? (To piggyback on Curt's question)

I was trying to be nice at the end. But this was his question which came first:

...so, what is the deal with all his memories?

Is it possible to evoke such strong recollections in such detail, to taste something, hear a song, see a picture that replays an entire past life of remembrances that come gushing back in such vivid detail?

Um, yes? I'll spare you the diatribe in my head, but I'm totally going all McLaughlin group on him up there. ["Wrong! Next question!"]

I'm starting to dig this grad school thing. Even though I got my packet in the mail from my advisor and my story sucked. I guess that's a pretty good sign, that I'm not hating myself or life right now even after that.

Comments

[cocolola.livejournal.com]

My unsolicited opinion about your question is that you might want to reconsider being so open about not finishing the book because YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOUR PROFESSORS ARE SECRETLY PSYCHOTIC. I think it is a good idea to ask why it might have seemed hard to get through, but word it so that it seems more like a general question just in case your professor is under the impression that everyone should have done the reading whether or not it was hard to get through. Of course, you know better than I do what the environment is like, so feel free to tell me to SHUT UP.

I go to a hippie school

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your concern. Actually it's too late as my question is already posted and can't be removed. I did try to cover my ass and say "I'll finish it this weekend" so I can always go back and say I DID finish it. The online conference discussion is supposed to start today and end in a couple weeks, so I think it's fair to admit upfront. (And minutes after I posted, another classmate said she wasn't done reading either -- my plan worked! I admitted first and they followed!)

Also, when I met with my mentor in person, she was amused that I chose my reading order solely based on page numbers inthe book -- i.e. for each month I paired a short book with a long book. She was shocked when she saw that Proust was 500 pages and for a moment expressed concerned about assigning such a long book, but then said "oh whatever, if they don't finish it, they don't finish it."

One would think since I've known this last bit all along, I'd never have stressed in the first place about Proust. But one would be wrong.