My g.e. is one hot mama.
Jul. 12th, 2001 02:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearSo I called up Melanie to see if she's feeling better (which she is) and we only got to talk for about 10-15 minutes, but true to form, we packed a lot in.
So...there's this woman at camp that she almost hooked up with (or at least there was a sexual vibe between them) but it fell through partly because Melanie outed herself as being in a nonmonogamous relationship with me. She thought that this woman ended up hooking up with another counselor, and she felt sort of weird about it, but then it got straightened out, so to speak. Well, she recently found out that this woman DIDNT hook up with her, and so now something might go down. She said some drunken flirting went on recently. We both talked about how we both agree that it's good to have out outside flings right before seeing each other, because we can reconnect with each other, which as you ethical sluts know, is an important part of the partnership. So we're both sort of hoping to get lucky this weekend. I told her I was ok with her hooking up with this woman, though I'd feel weird if she did it more than twice the whole summer. I also told Melanie that I preferred if she were sober when it happened. Why? I'm not totally sure. I think becuase I want the encounter to be deliberate and not accidental or written off because it was a drunken encounter. I want her to fck because she wants to, not because her defenses are down. And I try and hold the same standard to myself. An unusual request, I know, but she was ok with it thankfully. (But I don't care if the woman is drunk! -- as long as she knows where Melanie stands on the whole hookup....)
I asked her again if she was ok with my date, and she said yes, and that she was curious to know how things would turn out. I think she really wants Damon or someone to come along for safety purposes. I'm still thinking about it. Even if I don't have someone to check in with in-person, I would definitely have some sort of system set up where I call Damon an hour after the initial meeting time to let him know things are ok. But to be frank, I don't want to set up a definite time to meet him in person, then it turns out I want to go off and fool around with this Chris guy and I send Damon home. Not really fun or fair. So I'm still meditating on what boundaries I need and want.
I feel a little twinge of jealousy about Melanie hooking up with someone else, but nothing minor and certainly nothing I'm going to let dictate my feelings. I'm still working on deprogramming my reflex to feel jealous and my compulsion to claim ownership as well as my insecurities. Again, why the reconnecting will help next weekend. And we are getting ready to sign a one-year lease together -- if nothing else I can just remember that if I seem to be forgetting whether she's committed to being with me.
But I definitely prefer the knowing EVERYTHING route. I want to know when it happened and exactly what happened. (It's like erotica, but better!) Seriously, even though it's sometimes weird to hear the explicit activities that your partner does (because sometimes I feel like sex is in a bubble with her, and nothing happened before and nothing will happen after...or something like that), I find that my imagination is so overactive, it's better to hear the facts so that I'm not creating anything above and beyond what actually happened. And I'm sure I'll want to share my adventures with her.
Tonight's homework assignment for myself:
1. Read more ES to help cope with bits of jealousy and possession
2. Think more about boundaries and safety and excitement for my date!!
3. Create hot fantasies for those Cape Cod nights -- yee-haw.
P.S. To Joe across the pond. If you and Pun are still fighting over who gets to role-play Raymond Boywonder, I can send you detailed accounts of the multiple sides of Ray. I am a switch, you know. ;)
So...there's this woman at camp that she almost hooked up with (or at least there was a sexual vibe between them) but it fell through partly because Melanie outed herself as being in a nonmonogamous relationship with me. She thought that this woman ended up hooking up with another counselor, and she felt sort of weird about it, but then it got straightened out, so to speak. Well, she recently found out that this woman DIDNT hook up with her, and so now something might go down. She said some drunken flirting went on recently. We both talked about how we both agree that it's good to have out outside flings right before seeing each other, because we can reconnect with each other, which as you ethical sluts know, is an important part of the partnership. So we're both sort of hoping to get lucky this weekend. I told her I was ok with her hooking up with this woman, though I'd feel weird if she did it more than twice the whole summer. I also told Melanie that I preferred if she were sober when it happened. Why? I'm not totally sure. I think becuase I want the encounter to be deliberate and not accidental or written off because it was a drunken encounter. I want her to fck because she wants to, not because her defenses are down. And I try and hold the same standard to myself. An unusual request, I know, but she was ok with it thankfully. (But I don't care if the woman is drunk! -- as long as she knows where Melanie stands on the whole hookup....)
I asked her again if she was ok with my date, and she said yes, and that she was curious to know how things would turn out. I think she really wants Damon or someone to come along for safety purposes. I'm still thinking about it. Even if I don't have someone to check in with in-person, I would definitely have some sort of system set up where I call Damon an hour after the initial meeting time to let him know things are ok. But to be frank, I don't want to set up a definite time to meet him in person, then it turns out I want to go off and fool around with this Chris guy and I send Damon home. Not really fun or fair. So I'm still meditating on what boundaries I need and want.
I feel a little twinge of jealousy about Melanie hooking up with someone else, but nothing minor and certainly nothing I'm going to let dictate my feelings. I'm still working on deprogramming my reflex to feel jealous and my compulsion to claim ownership as well as my insecurities. Again, why the reconnecting will help next weekend. And we are getting ready to sign a one-year lease together -- if nothing else I can just remember that if I seem to be forgetting whether she's committed to being with me.
But I definitely prefer the knowing EVERYTHING route. I want to know when it happened and exactly what happened. (It's like erotica, but better!) Seriously, even though it's sometimes weird to hear the explicit activities that your partner does (because sometimes I feel like sex is in a bubble with her, and nothing happened before and nothing will happen after...or something like that), I find that my imagination is so overactive, it's better to hear the facts so that I'm not creating anything above and beyond what actually happened. And I'm sure I'll want to share my adventures with her.
Tonight's homework assignment for myself:
1. Read more ES to help cope with bits of jealousy and possession
2. Think more about boundaries and safety and excitement for my date!!
3. Create hot fantasies for those Cape Cod nights -- yee-haw.
P.S. To Joe across the pond. If you and Pun are still fighting over who gets to role-play Raymond Boywonder, I can send you detailed accounts of the multiple sides of Ray. I am a switch, you know. ;)
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Re: Snakes & snails & puppydog...wait, I'm not a zoophile!
Date: 2001-07-13 09:11 am (UTC)Yesterday I was walking to work and thinking about my feelings for Melanie and trusting her commitment to me. And even though I'm wicked excited and turned-on about my date and it was in NO way affecting my big big feelings for her, I was having a hard time trusting her to be feeling the same way. I was feeling all insecure about her feelings for me getting clouded by fooling around with this woman. But then I remembered a conversation I had with her at the very beginning of our relationship about how she wasn't sure she could live with anyone and how it would be this huge thing for her. Then I replayed the conversation where she told me that she wanted to live with me because that would make her the most happy. And then I realized that we're in the process of signing a lease together. Then I got this big stupid grin on my face while walking because I realized, damn she's really into me. I'm a lucky sonofabitch. It was this total sort of breakthrough moment and leap of faith. Which is not to say "I'm fine! All jealousy is gone!" But I think I need to take a big step forward so any small steps backwards (minor pangs of jealousy) wouldn't affect my behavior and will be more easily handled.
So yeah, it's cool to know that Joe, the primo ES still has jealous -- ze's human after all! Ha ha. Thanks for the support.
And what do you mean by "if any of this is true"??? You're not role-playing me? Don't get my hopes up like that.
and speaking of props and fantasies, I'm trying to figure out what "props", if any, I should bring along next weekend......thanks for the suggestions. Especially the butch/femme twins.
*IF* I was your girl, all the things I'd do for you...
Date: 2001-07-13 10:00 am (UTC)So, basically, among other things: yes, I'm a big fat liar (size queen) (don't judge). I don't actually role-play as my friends. That would be weird...plus "ain't nothin like the real thing, baby." (hi, I'm creepy)
Any old who: I'm glad that you're baby-steppin closer to bliss in the ge department, Ray. That kicks ass.
My Tara once told me back at the begining of the relationship that she didn't say the ILY phrase cause she'd said it too many times before when she didn't mean it and that she had felt like she HAD to say it, so I got all hyped up to tell her one night cause I felt it so hardcore adn I had processed all this shit because I was like, "dude, she's not gonna say it back, but that's ok" And then, she told me she loved me. And I nearly DIED! for real. I was blown away. Now I know that it doesn't matter who she fucks cause that's just lust, it ain't love. And I trust that she knows that I love her so much too. I mean, really Ray, isn't that all that matters? You love Mel, Mel loves you: the rest is not even comparable.
Props for the date: (now, you I'm not one to assume, so I don't know if your date is bioM or bioF or IS) if you've got a bioM or a bioF I'd say pack heavy. No really. Bring your favorite toy, a bigger toy, a smaller toy, some accessories and then it's all good, right? And LUBE LUBE LUBE, GLOVES GLOVES GLOVES, CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS, DAMS DAMS DAMS, and TWINS TWINS TWINS (you never know when you'll need two extra buddies). And negotiate. Good luck, Ray and God Speed!
with creepy blessings,
Joe
More props than a stage manager.
Date: 2001-07-13 10:32 am (UTC)