How's that working out for you, being critically-acclaimed?

[raybear]

Let's start from the beginning so we're all on the same page. I just started my second semester at Antioch University in Los Angeles in their low residency program for an MFA in Creative Writing. (This Antioch is affiliated with the Antioch in Ohio, but they have their own president and whatnot.) This program means I work independently in Chicago (where I still live) with a mentor via mail and phone and e-mail, and I also participate in numerous online discussions with other students.

At the beginning (and end, I suppose, depending on how you approach it) of each semester is a ten-day residency on campus, where the day is filled form 9 am to 9 pm with lectures, workshops, seminars, and readings. What's the difference between these things? Lectures are two hours long and given by faculty or guest speakers. Workshops are small group discussions on our own writing for nine hours (spread out over three days). Seminars are one hour presentations given by graduating students (it's required we all give a 50 minute lecture). Readings are students and faculty sharing their work -- the faculty and graduating students read in the evening, the rest of us read during the day (like I did).

So, about two months before the residency, we all have to send up to 20 pages of fiction for the workshop. They put eight of us together with a faculty member to lead the discussion, bound up copies of all our work, and mail it back to us, so we can read the work ahead of time and have critique prepared. I usually read the work beforehand making line edits in the text, then during the residency I'll re-read the piece the night before and write a paragraph or two summary of my critique.

Last month my packet came in the mail and my faculty was a name I'd never seen before. I looked her up -- she was a new addition to the staff, her novel just came out a few months earlier and the photo on her website was that of a rockstar, as much as young L.A. writers can be (which if you don't know, some of them are more rockstars than actual rockstars). I was excited.

The first time our group met, it was only for an hour to decide the schedule. We went around and did introductions and she started. She pulled out her two books and very demurely shared with us that they had won a couple awards and were critically-acclaimed. My first thought was snarky, of course: "Critically-acclaimed, eh? How's that working out for you?" Since I know plenty of people who are critically-acclaimed and they still ride the bus with me home. But she was so nice and earnest, I cut her a little slack. I still had high hopes for her.

Afterwards, several friends asked me my impressions of her. I told them the critically-acclaimed story, but said otherwise I couldn't tell. See, the beginning of the week of the residency is FILLED with conversations that go exactly like this:

- So, who was your mentor last time?
- ________
- Did you like them?
- _________
- Who are you picking this time?

Repeat, repeat, repeart.

After you answer the last question, you can see the person's wheels turning, as if they are calculating their own chances in competing with you in getting a specific mentor. On the second day is a "Meet the mentors" panel which is sort of like a strange beauty pageant and then by the end of the day you submit a form with your four choices. Then they use some complicated algorithm to assign everyone mentors and everyone has competing theories about how they do it, which gets discussed endlessly for the four hours while we're waiting for them to post the results.

My friend StandUpComic came up to me after the panel and said she went to talk to some of the mentors individually. And sure enough, there she was in her office, with her books laid out, and when StandUp came in, she introduced herself as a critically-acclaimed author. From that point on, we called her "Critically-Acclaimed".

Critically-Acclaimed went on to provide the most scandal fodder of the residency, because during workshop she made us read our entire piece aloud, which took up anywhere from 20-40 minutes. Considering we only were allowed 45 minutes of critique, this was pretty frustrating and a waste of our time and money. I mean, don't get me wrong, reading your writing aloud is an excellent tool in the revision process, but I can do that shit at home. The point of workshop is to get feedback from eight other readers. She also didn't give the students their feedback until the last day (which made us suspect she hadn't read the pieces ahead of time) and she rarely participated in the disctussion.

When she gave her "lecture" on Wednesday afternoon, she spoke for two minutes, gave a 20 minute in-class writing exercise, spent 15 minutes having people read theirs aloud with NO discussion, lectured for two minutes, gave ANOTHER writing exercise, spent 15 minutes having people read theirs aloud with no discussion, then wrapped up the lecture with one-minute summary. The title was "Creating Empathy for the Unsympathetic Character" and we were supposed to read two novels for the lecture and she barely touched on the reading. When she left the podium, I'd never seen so many of my fellow students clamoring to get an evaluation sheet and express their disdain. And whenever anyone went up to StandUpComic to complain, she'd look at them and said, "that's my mentor." Then we'd all shake our heads and offer rationalizing support to her.

By the end of the week, I was feeling a little bad for Critically-Acclaimed. We're a tough crowd at my school. We expect a lot of the faculty and mentors. She was having a rough time, this first time teaching. Ever. That's what I discovered was the problem -- she was a fiction writer and a journalist who won lots of awards and critical-acclaim, but she had no teaching experience or training. She had lots of confidence and savvy and rockstar qualities, but could not convey any useful advice that wasn't just "read your work aloud" or "do a writing exercise". I mean, she's working on her fourth novel and it's her 3rd book deal and I'm not saying she's not talented or that she doesn't work hard, but she's also LUCKY. Most of us in our program might never be published outside of a short story here or there. And as we learned from the agent lecture, every year 45,000 new nonfiction titles are published but only 5,000 fiction titles are released -- and most of them (90%, I think?) are by previously published authors. If I'm banking on that lottery ticket of a huge advance, I have sobering news for myself. But what I am looking for is building a sustainable career that includes writing. And probably teaching. I also learned that lesson from this residency -- I would be pretty good at teaching writing. I still have a LOT to learn, of course, but the instincts are there.

On Saturday night, we were gathering at the mexican restaurant for my birthday and I'd just blown out the flame on my second margarita and made a wish when StandUpComic arrived. She gave me a hug and as we were sitting down, she said, "I decided what to give you for your birthday.....I'm officially critically-acclaiming you."

Comments

[thirdreel.livejournal.com]

I'll critically acclaim you if you'll critically acclaim me!

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Yes! And also blurbing. We decided that those without books published would critically-acclaim until their book is published and then they'd give blurbs.

[o-w-t-fairies.livejournal.com]

Heh. Where I come from she wouldn't have lasted two minutes beyond pronouncing herself critically-acclaimed. We're a nation of tall-poppy knockers. We don't even like it when people with PhD's insist on being called Doctor (that's reserved for those with a medical degree).

[hipflickchick.livejournal.com]

ahh Grasshopper, you learned most valuable lesson . .how to be a bad teacher. .without this lesson you might not be as inspired to be a good teacher. . .a writing teachers have steady employment. . . .unlike the critically-acclaimed. . .

I've learnd more from bad teachers on what NOT to do. I consider myself a damn good teacher. My students may have a different opinion-some of them blast em in eveals. . but most oft them elarn ad feel they grow from the experiecne.

HOWEVER, my first time teaching. . OK honestly, I sucked. I had 1 week to prep (YES They c called me and offered me the job ONE week before classes began.) I was unprepared (go figure) Iw as scattered. I did not give the students "their money's worth" . hated the f eeling. . .but never went there again. Now Ialways overprepare..even when I think I am blowing off. it sucks too much to be in front of the room knowing you are lame and knowing your students likely know you are lame.

So, are you going to read to us at yourBday party? he he he