Oh, oohhhh, I really wanted that thing.

[raybear]

So nearly a full week after busting my ass, the bruise came to the surface. And it is BIG. And purple. There's a near-perfect horizontal line from where I went down and hit the edge of the stair, than there's an amorphous blob above that, probably from when I slid down four or more of the stairs. It's grotesque. dommeyourass noticed last night as I was getting undressed for bed. I was afraid to look at it more than once last night, but today I've looked at it several times. I don't have a fetish for marks or bruises, which means sometimes I enjoy them, sometimes I don't, sometimes it's both. I don't know where I stand on this one yet.

I feel slow-moving and morose and heavy and the last thing I want to do is ride my bike somewhere and would rather take the bus to lincoln park, but I should follow my own advice and ride anyway because I'm sure I will be in much better spirits if I do.

Oh, and the finanical aid office at my school finally caught up to me so I need to get on taking care of that, which means digging out tax forms, filling out the new forms plus writing some narrative about how my finanical situation has changed, i.e. "I no longer have said full-time income so please don't make me contribute any of my own money". I've had some good conversations with people yesterday about life choices and work and career and money that were very supportive and validating, but still. I hate money.

Comments

[lucyberliner14.livejournal.com]

woah.... ray... your title: thats the song i want to do a burlesque performance to.....

congratulations on the surfacing of your ass busting bruise.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

it's a hot song. i'm already looking forward to seeing the act.

and...?

[louche.livejournal.com]

how did you feel post-ride? it happens to me often where i dread the idea of getting on my bike and going that distance. but then, every single time, i end up soooo happy that i did.

Re: and...?

[raybear.livejournal.com]

i got myself all psyched up to go, then went outside and it started raining. so i took the bus. and then regretted it because it stopped raining and traffic was slow and i knew on my bike i could go right past the line of stopped cars. but then at 11:30 pm when it was time to go home, i DIDNT regret not being on my bike, because it was pouring down sheets of rain and i timed it perfectly to hitch a ride with dommeyourass.

but today, today i'm riding all over town. or at least my neighborhood for errands.

Re: and...?

[louche.livejournal.com]

yeah, last night i almost rode my bike to the shoot, but then decided the sky looked far too iffy for the trek. on the way, i was crabby in the car because one of the reasons i HATE driving is traffic. and yeah, i was sitting in it. but then yeah, i was happy once again when i was leaving the shoot and not on my bike in the rain.