raybear | Throw me to the velvet dogs of pop star history.

Hunger made me climb out of bed. Procrastination inpsired me to make biscuits rather than just eat a bowl of cold cereal. That, and my recent fascination with jams and jellies. I didn't make these biscuits from scratch, just from the Jiffy baking mix and some milk.

Today I'm spending all day revising and working on a short story, trying not to get distracted by reading Mark Salzman's True Notebooks. Though it's such a quick read, I'm also tempted to just hurry and finish it so it can no longer provide a temptation.

It's true, I have been busy, with less time to float around online and wax philosophically about pop culture and life in general. And I've been writing other things, so sometimes I feel my words get used up before I can use them on myself. But I think I've also been avoiding journaling for a bit. Mostly because I've been feeling pretty introverted and solitary. Also, I feel my subconscious is on the verge of something. Of what, I'm not sure. And I don't want to extrapolate before it's time. Though I suspect it's something as simple as digesting and transforming all the change I've been going through and will continue happening in the next few months.

This weekend I was having lots of sporadic body issues, and I feel the impatience and anxiety of wanting my chest surgery is reaching an intense crescendo, but then I stopped myself and realized in two months I'll be in San Francisco, and three months previous I was in Los Angeles and time is not only relative, it can be held in check. In other words, I turn my brain into an ally, using my own processes to curb myself. To tell myself, 'chill. soon you'll blink and the days will be gone.'

And sometimes time slows down in an absolutely perfect way, like last night in bed with the chimes of Arvo Part and the taste of bodies and skin.

I'm not really the "change is bad" person I might think I am (or that my astrological profile would indicate). It's more that if I stop and think too much about lots of change, I worry, can I keep up?

So the key is to not stop. Just go. And the fastest way to become the person you want is to be it now.

Um, hi, I'm going to go eat my biscuits and skip watching Oprah since I'm already sounding like her.

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I have no idea who it is I'm supposed to be. But I really liked this entry.

we have this writer on faculty at my lo rez and a certain segment of people worship him as a mentor. which half of me makes me want to avoid him at all cost, but the other half is intrigued to see if he's worth the hype. it's like a cult. but anyway, at one of his seminars, he said the following, which i use as my mantra at times:

You have to be the person who writes the novels.

I'm not even sure what the fck it means. It's like a koan, some unsolvable problem to meditate on, like the sound of one hand clapping.

Does he sleep with his culties...er students? I say avoid him. At GMC the worshipped prof, the one all the girls wanted to fuck and all the dudes wanted to fuck and be, I was so unimpressed with.

I think less nookie happens during lo rez. Not enough time during the semester to bat the eyes and get drunk and convince involved parties to ignore any standards. It's a shame really.

You're at the wrong lo rez. Man, there was so much booty popping at ours, you'd think it was Woodstock.

Wow, a Dar Williams reference and an Oprah reference in the same entry. And also, mmmm... biscuits.

I <3 you.

I also have body issues. I try to use my brain to slip into other ways of thinking so I quit obsessing about stuff -- like, um ... eating copious amounts of mexican food.

Time passes, and then good things will come.

Throw me to the velvet dogs of pop star history.

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You have to be the person who write the bad checks.

Re: You have to be the person who write the bad checks.

Re: You have to be the person who write the bad checks.

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