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raybearOn Tuesday night at dinner, I started getting that scratchy thing in the back of my throat which is a warning that I'm getting sick. And it came true. So I stayed home from work yesterday. I still feel a little yucky, but nothing major. Just a cold. But I want it to be completely gone by tomorrow, because I hate flying while sick, and I don't want to be sick while on vacation.
Melanie called me yesterday morning on the road. It went okay, but I really need to stop having serious phone conversations with her and save them for in person. But it ended up okay. I really am feeling like I have some sort of unrequited love/one-sided relationship though. I know that she feels like her Chicago life is on pause, but I don't really like having OUR life on pause. Espeically since I wasn't expecting it. But that's something to talk about this weekend and hopefully work out. I told her that I was ok with her going out last night and being a lesbian, which I guess entails making out with girls or whatever. I figure that me feeling miserable is going to happen regardless of what she does, so why should both of us be unhappy? And for the record, I DO believe she loves/likes me and wants to be with me. But I also believe that it's harder for me to have an open relationship with a primary partner if I'm not connected to my primary partner. And this summer I have not been connected at all. But that's what this weekend is all about -- sorting isth out. And for lots of cuddling and talking. And sex. And being at the beach. Yay.
My stomach is still really nervous and I'm still feeling anxious. Argh. All I had for breakfast is alka-seltzer, and now I'm going to have some herbs. The kava kava kind, not the green smoking kind.
I got complimented by my therapist on Tuesday night for owning my anxiety. I guess that's good. Though I'd prefer to disown it and have it kicked out of the house. But that's not really possible, so for the time being, owning it is ok.
Melanie called me yesterday morning on the road. It went okay, but I really need to stop having serious phone conversations with her and save them for in person. But it ended up okay. I really am feeling like I have some sort of unrequited love/one-sided relationship though. I know that she feels like her Chicago life is on pause, but I don't really like having OUR life on pause. Espeically since I wasn't expecting it. But that's something to talk about this weekend and hopefully work out. I told her that I was ok with her going out last night and being a lesbian, which I guess entails making out with girls or whatever. I figure that me feeling miserable is going to happen regardless of what she does, so why should both of us be unhappy? And for the record, I DO believe she loves/likes me and wants to be with me. But I also believe that it's harder for me to have an open relationship with a primary partner if I'm not connected to my primary partner. And this summer I have not been connected at all. But that's what this weekend is all about -- sorting isth out. And for lots of cuddling and talking. And sex. And being at the beach. Yay.
My stomach is still really nervous and I'm still feeling anxious. Argh. All I had for breakfast is alka-seltzer, and now I'm going to have some herbs. The kava kava kind, not the green smoking kind.
I got complimented by my therapist on Tuesday night for owning my anxiety. I guess that's good. Though I'd prefer to disown it and have it kicked out of the house. But that's not really possible, so for the time being, owning it is ok.
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Date: 2001-07-19 08:22 am (UTC)mm
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Date: 2001-07-19 09:02 am (UTC)YAY! MELANIE AND RAY RE-UNITE! *bouncing*
Dude, I'm so jealous. But in that good way where I'm beaming fer ya. HI MELANIE! [waving like a madd man (don't assume)]
Congrats on owning your anxiety. I own my anger--and let me tell you, if there were any value on anger, the amount that I own would cause the IRS to tax my ass big time! But I'm workin on it. The first step is to own it, then you conquer it (or DISOWN it, as you say) hee hee.
countin down w/ ya,
Joe