Have you heard about the lonesome loser?

[raybear]

I was a little melodramatic earlier. It's hard for me to not panic that I'm spiralling into depression when it's really just a passing phase. I mean, I'm only two weeks since surgery, I just finished my last school packet and two freelance projects, I'm in a deficit for quality alone time -- I am tired and drained. Yeah, I wanted to stay at home in bed and read, because that comfortable and soothing. So what? There doesn't have to be a doom cloud over me.

Of course, it's easy for me to say this now that I've finished my day and I'm sitting at home with a cocktail. And finally getting off my a$$ to call grocerygetter.

I came out to the kids in my workshop tonight -- told them about chest surgery and actually said "I wasn't born male". They were floored and astounded. I mean, I thought I'd dropped enough 'hints', if by hints I mean saying "I'm a queer bisexual transman faggot". I knew they wouldn't necessarily know the word "transman", but thought it might start to sink in if I said it enough. No. They experienced shock and awe. lucyberliner14 was there to witness it, and even though the kids were totally fine, I was glad to have someone in the room to help deflect a little. We didn't get as much work done because we couldn't use the computers, but talking with them after being away for a couple weeks made up for it.

So I had therapy today and we talked about me deciding to stop going regularly. She was fine with that, as I knew she'd be -- I mean, if I really thought she'd say "um, that's NOT a good idea", I would know. I decided I would just call her up proactively to schedule times to either problem-solve specific conflict or just to regroup and refocus my goals. But I don't need to rely on seeing her on a regular basis. I think I'm going to channel some of the energy (and money) into a greater commitment at the temple, completing the meditation course and becoming a practicing member. It will serve a similar purpose in some ways, but also something completely different, a new chapter in this strange thing called my life.

Comments

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. Those packets are like the center of the universe. When my I call my family they like hold their breaths hoping that I won't mention the status of the packets. But if I do, my mom is like, "I was wondering when the packets were going to come up!"

I loved talking to you. It was great to hear your voice. *mwah*