I want some happy honeymooning.

[raybear]

I had a little panic attack this afternoon. Or more of an anxiety attack. Or more of that shutting down thing where the last thing I want to do is engage with human beings, much less talk about what's going on. All I want to do is not talk. Of course, then I talk about it for five minutes and feel better. Well, that and crossing items of the to-do list which initially induced the anxiety. I still have tons to do, but I'm not currently panicked which means I'm not currently doing it. That's the thing about anxiety -- like anger, it can fuel staggering results in the productivity department when channeled effectively. Much like facism. What? I don't know.

Today was my first day with no binder AND no gauze pasties over my nipples. All of the scabs are gone and the skin on my incisions has healed and smoothed over (though of course they are extremely dark red and prominent). And they hurt. All of them, not a lot of pain, but a little bit of pain over a large surface area. I mean, it makes sense -- just because the surface of a cut has healed doesn't mean the deeper part of the cut has healed. It's fairly mild and inconsistent, but it sort of builds over the day.

Now is the time for copious application of cocoa butter. My new trick is to melt the stick a little with my lighter so it glides easily over my skin. Then I walk around all day smelling like brownies.

Comments

[coolerbythelake.livejournal.com]

i know i don't comment in your journal that often, but i wanted to let you know i've been reading your entries and such lately ... it's so cool, you know? i'm glad to know that you're healing up well, and that things are going pretty smoothly.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

aw, thanks!

[gloeden.livejournal.com]

"Then I walk around all day smelling like brownies."
Mmmm, BROWNIES.
Suddenly I want you soooo bad.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

rawr!!

[magdalene1.livejournal.com]

You said pasties. I bet you smell good.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

some days i wore my gauze pasties like squares, some days i went CRAZY and turned my gauze pasties so they were diamonds.

[masscooper.livejournal.com]

Brownie pasties? XXXdelicious!

I'm so happy for you, Ray. And consistently impressed that you manage to be self-aware and talk about your feelings and thoughts without being a big drama queen. I don't think I've achieved that skill. I commend you.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

talk about your feelings and thoughts without being a big drama queen.

ha! i often feel like a big drama queen! maybe the drama comes before I write about it on livejournal. :)

thanks for your good thoughts.

[hipflickchick.livejournal.com]

Scars are cool. Congrats on your rapid healing!!!! Cocoa butter is addictive...they also have this cool scarbegone oil at Whole Foods. its kinda expencive but it works! (Doesn't smell as good as cocoa butter though.)

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

Anxiety attacks are just awful. It takes more time to recover than to experience. *hugs*.

I'm really excited about your nipples and the nippletastic shirts you'll be wearing and posting pictures of.

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, and Queen Helene.

You're go to girl for cocoa butter. She comes in TUBS. BIG TUBS. for 3.84. That cocoa butter creme turned me out.