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raybearDYA called me at 4:30 to tell me she lost her trial. The jury came back really quickly and found against her client on all counts (she was suing a cop and the city for being harasses and sexually assualted by cop -- at times, when he was on duty -- and he's still working in her neighborhood). It was pretty gut-wrenching for me to hear, as a casual observer of a few days of the trial as well as someone who's sensitive to the issues of sexual assault and mis-use of police power. I can't imagine how upsetting it must be for the client and all the attorneys.
Also, I know how difficult it is to work really hard on something and then face disappointment. It's not easy, and I don't like seeing my partner deal with hard stuff, even though I know there's nothing I can do about it and there's always going to be hard stuff. Standing on the outside, no matter how fcked up and sad and hard it is to experience the loss of the trial, it's also really easy for me to see that her work was not a waste at all, it's not in vain, it was very important and necessary for lots of reasons, including ones that will only be made clear over time. And I need to remember this lesson for myself, since often that fear of failure is what keeps me from working hard. But anyway, yeah, I'm trying to think positive thoughts for those now in the aftermath.
This evening I got a phone call from QCL, who has been conspicuously absent from journaling and life for a while, or at least a few weeks. I was applying plastic sheeting to the windows when it happened (Sidebar: haven't you people heard of storm windows? Why are we as a city putting oversized saran wrap up with scotch tape to keep from freezing??). I called her back, we chatted for an hour or so. There was no discussion of past or possible mis-steps or hurts. It was rarely awkward. It was occasionally hilarious. It was entirely pleasant. I'm trying to not be so scared or anxious in my relationships. I know this sounds weird and might not be entirely apparent, but I've started to notice my tendency to feel both. And I think my work at letting go is helping.
This is also the second night in a row I had a long conversation on the phone. I'm trying to get over my phone-phobia, which has to do with these compulsions and expectations of what conversations could and should be. Which is related to the relationship thing mentioned above. I don't normally talk about my anxiety, in part because I like to pretend I'm over any and all self-consciousness and that I'm completely confident. Of course, then I start cultivating and developing my confidence further and realize certain behavior patterns I engage in.
Anyway, the point of this post has nothing to do with any of that. Last night on the phone with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
limenal, we talked about how I sometimes imagine if my life was a daily talk show, what would my recurring segments be called and what they would be about. Things that pop in your head or experience on a regular basis. So far, the following ideas include:
How'd That Song Get On My iPod?
I Didn't Mean To Get Turned On By _______
I Just Read This Great Article In ____[insert title of pretentious literary/new magazine (e.g. Harper's, New Yorker)]___ and It Changed My Life.
Bodies Are Weird; or, How Does This Work?
That's Just Like What Happened On ____[insert television show I'm currently obsessed with and watching via DVD marathons]______
I Need to Remember to Google _____
What would be segments on your show?
Also, I know how difficult it is to work really hard on something and then face disappointment. It's not easy, and I don't like seeing my partner deal with hard stuff, even though I know there's nothing I can do about it and there's always going to be hard stuff. Standing on the outside, no matter how fcked up and sad and hard it is to experience the loss of the trial, it's also really easy for me to see that her work was not a waste at all, it's not in vain, it was very important and necessary for lots of reasons, including ones that will only be made clear over time. And I need to remember this lesson for myself, since often that fear of failure is what keeps me from working hard. But anyway, yeah, I'm trying to think positive thoughts for those now in the aftermath.
This evening I got a phone call from QCL, who has been conspicuously absent from journaling and life for a while, or at least a few weeks. I was applying plastic sheeting to the windows when it happened (Sidebar: haven't you people heard of storm windows? Why are we as a city putting oversized saran wrap up with scotch tape to keep from freezing??). I called her back, we chatted for an hour or so. There was no discussion of past or possible mis-steps or hurts. It was rarely awkward. It was occasionally hilarious. It was entirely pleasant. I'm trying to not be so scared or anxious in my relationships. I know this sounds weird and might not be entirely apparent, but I've started to notice my tendency to feel both. And I think my work at letting go is helping.
This is also the second night in a row I had a long conversation on the phone. I'm trying to get over my phone-phobia, which has to do with these compulsions and expectations of what conversations could and should be. Which is related to the relationship thing mentioned above. I don't normally talk about my anxiety, in part because I like to pretend I'm over any and all self-consciousness and that I'm completely confident. Of course, then I start cultivating and developing my confidence further and realize certain behavior patterns I engage in.
Anyway, the point of this post has nothing to do with any of that. Last night on the phone with
limenal, we talked about how I sometimes imagine if my life was a daily talk show, what would my recurring segments be called and what they would be about. Things that pop in your head or experience on a regular basis. So far, the following ideas include:How'd That Song Get On My iPod?
I Didn't Mean To Get Turned On By _______
I Just Read This Great Article In ____[insert title of pretentious literary/new magazine (e.g. Harper's, New Yorker)]___ and It Changed My Life.
Bodies Are Weird; or, How Does This Work?
That's Just Like What Happened On ____[insert television show I'm currently obsessed with and watching via DVD marathons]______
I Need to Remember to Google _____
What would be segments on your show?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 07:16 pm (UTC)Segments
Date: 2005-01-13 07:35 pm (UTC)Things I've done this week my mother always told me not to do.
Favorite homeless person quote.
Van Halen inspirational lyric of the day.
How'd ___[insert schlock band d'jour]___ get a record deal anyway?
30 seconds of hair worship.
Re: Segments
Date: 2005-01-13 07:38 pm (UTC)Re: Segments
Date: 2005-01-13 07:53 pm (UTC)My first fan mail!
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 07:37 pm (UTC)All these damn clothes and nothing to wear
Writing for failure and profit
Thoughts, feelings and other oddities
Today's hot ass boyfriend is tomorrow's mutherfucker you want to run down with your car
This is probably more than the serving size but nobody's looking
The College Girl's Guide to... being broke, home repairs, fighting with utility companies, living off markout from work...
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 07:37 pm (UTC)Best celebrity sideburns.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-14 05:51 am (UTC)Talking on the phone is my least favourite part of daily living. I really hate it. Being on the phone for mroe than five minutes makes something inside of me feel crawly.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-14 07:35 am (UTC)The Kneidlach Show features:
The body part you never knew could hurt
Gourmet cooking on $2 a day
The strange things that can go in stir-fries
Is that a crack deal, a heroine deal, or a cocaine deal going on under my window? How to tell the difference from 30 feet away.
Is that a dyke or a fag?
(Followed by the part where audience members are introduced to a row of 10 good-looking men and asked.... GAY OR METROSEXUAL?)