And now the purple dusk of twilight time, steals across the meadows of my heart.

[raybear]

Congratulations, I'm treating myself like a real writer. And self-employed artist/freelancer. I have all my loose piles of paperwork related to work, teaching, school, and bills stored and labelled and organized. Including my fiction writing. I made labels with my story's names on them and compiled all the drafts as well as feedback I'd received from sources. Everything's not perfectly 100% organized because we're planning on installing shelves on the wall that can't come until after painting, but it's still looking pretty damn good in here. Probably in large part because the couch is actually a couch again, not a huge mound of papers.

I woke up feeling unbalanced and disconnected. My dreams consisted primarily of CSI characters and plotlines. Ok, too much television, I get it. But I also had some really sexy and exciting and tender emotionally connected moments with some of those CSI characters, and what was I doing with my partner in the dream? Buying a vacuum cleaner. We spent a long time debating between an upright or some other non-upright version, then getting it to the car, etc. etc. Um, yeah. Which is not to say things have been bad with us, and in fact, last night we were finally in a place to have some nice hot lovin' before bedtime. But I've been feeling sort of "not present" and she's been seeming the same, and I know she's recovering from a hard couple weeks and it's in part because our past few days involved lots of exciting romantic things like laundry, dishes, and mediocre movies. So on one hand, I feel like we've been lacking in any quality time, but on the other hand I feel we're all in each other's grill too much. Also, I feel like the trapped housewife, stuck inside because it's cold and I have no car and besides I really need to finish the cleaning projets I've started and shouldn't go out anyway. So I'm resenting myself. Which is silly, and I see it, but that doesn't immediately stop me from feeling it.

But for now I'm done with the straightening the house. And now I'm going to have some chillout time alone. And she's off having a couple visits with friends. And tonight we're planning on actually going out to a movie. So balance will eventually be restored (and fall apart again, I know) and it's just another lesson in cultivation as well as ebb and flow.

In Other News^TM, what's up with buddhists and tea?
EDIT: This comment is mostly being made in jest because I've noticed I've started consuming way more tea than usual, since working on my daily practice.

Comments

[gleninchicago.livejournal.com]

I saw your new "profile" icon. Just want to eat you up!

rawr!

[raybear.livejournal.com]

nibble away.....
;)

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

Your reorganization is inspiring. I wish i had some motivation. I need too many things. Furniture, time, inspiration. All of these are like star systems slipping through my hands.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

it only took me 7 months! i mean, it only took me two days to physically do it, but there was a lot of mental prep time involved. like when i write a paper/story the night before it's due -- it was marinating in the back of my head for the weeks prior.

[thebrownhornet.livejournal.com]

Um, did I not just use marinating in reference to my own writing. Get out of my head!

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

I am gonna do this. Next week. I am gonna set aside the entire week (since the forecasters are predicting incredibly shitty weather) and just go through my apartment (save my new bedroom) and dejunk and organize this shit. My current system is all about some vertical stacking piles and it's starting to drive me insane.

Chewy says I need real furniture. Not bullshit from big lots that breaks if you touch it. I think I'm gonna start looking around for this elusive real furniture. HE thinks there is no sense trying to do a minimalist thing in here when that's not my nature. Instead I should play up to my strengths: color, sexy clutter and lots of shelving that requires a ladder to reach the contents. So it looks like I'm painting my living room orange AGAIN. never mind that's what it was originally painted and has since had two other awful shades of muted green.

*shakes head*.

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

I need some sort of redecorator's crisis intervention. like the Paige Center for domestic recovery or something.

[mintwaster.livejournal.com]

I'm a buddhist who hates tea. My parents never had tea in the house. My relatives don't drink tea. No tea at the temple. I don't recall any tea in my past, except in Chinatown. We do, however, drink a lot of cola.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

it's kinda like lesbians and tea. they either seem to be ALL about it or completely against it.

[gem-stellar.livejournal.com]

your post makes me think that I'd be a lot happier on a whole if I set aside a week and just bit the bullet and got my shit organized...but that would require going through the trapped housewife stage which I am completely afraid of for no good reason.

at any rate, I'm envious.

Stardust

[limenal.livejournal.com]

Still the best voicemail I've ever gotten!

Re: Stardust

[raybear.livejournal.com]

in cleaning out my old office boxes, i found the wal-bear graphic. and the hand drawn care bear. both are in the box of "memorabilia".

i also found the photos i took from damon's going away karaoke and most of them are crap except for one utterly charming one of the two of you that i put into a frame on the windowsill of the office. i wish i had a scanner. maybe i'll use my digitial camera to take a picture of it. lame? or genius??