raybear | (no subject)

The day went by pretty quickly. Melanie called around 12:30 re: the loan crisis (she got a letter from school and has to send them a copy of her W-2's and such) so I feel all productive and helpful by aiding her in the venture. It's a little annoying and out of the way, but not too bad. I was going to try and swing by the apartment between work and the bookstore, but decided instead to get up early and do it before work. In our conversation today, she sounded a little down, possibly stressed, but nothing major. And she told me "I really miss you" to which I replied rather asininely "Why?" I hope it didn't hurt her feelings -- as I explained what I meant was "why specifically do you miss me or what triggered it". And it was nothing specific, but her reply was "don't ask me things like that that are hard to answer". I think it was fine -- just sort of funny. And it made me realize how I'm in such a polar opposite place from a week ago. And this is what I realized about myself. I am a dam. And the world drops water in me. I drop water in myself. I'm a big dam, so I don't notice it much. But then it starts to get full. And I feel the dam being stretched and pushed. And I panic because it's going to break and damage everything and all will be lost. So I start taking buckets of water out, which is fairly ridiculous, seeing as I am a huge dam with tons of water. So despite my desperate scrambing, the dam breaks. This is what happened about a week ago. Then I stand around in shock, feeling sort of raw and numb. This was sort of this past weekend in New England. Now my dam is rebuilt and its empty. So everything seems free and easy.

So I guess now I need to work on better resource management. Or something.

Ok, enough rambling.