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raybearNothing like a 90 minute commute to make you feel good about the day. Especially when it should only take 30 minutes. But surprisingly enough, I didn't get too worked up -- probably because most of the waiting was not spent in a packed car, and I had a seat. But I made it.
So. Where to begin.
On Friday, I left work early with the 2 interns to hit the tattoo shop. We took a couple hits beforehand, and things were all good. Then we met up with folks from work at Hi Ricky, got takeout, and headed back south to the Field Museum. We at dinner on the grass, the sunset and skyline were beautiful. The slideshow was fairly interesting (some history of Chicago) and Li__'s poem was awesome. The best line of the show (and by "best" I mean "worst") came after the part about the Chicago fire and how many buildings got destroyed and how many people got killed. "But Chicago said....so what." We were tripping.
Anyway, we went back to the train, half the group went home, the other half decided to go out, including Chris the intern who was going home the next day. We went back to his place again, took a couple hits, and this was what put me WAY over the edge. We went to the train station, and that's when I started freaking out. Luckily Damon was there and sober, so between laughing at my pitiful ass, he helped keep me okay. Basically, I was having problems shifting between my conscious mind (i.e. focusing on actual physical stimuli, like conversation, watching the train, etc.) and my unconscious mind (i.e. who I am, my memories, the solidness of my crystallized knowledge). So. I would either be focusing really hard on try to remember who I am and why I am and what my history is and why I'm doing what I am, but then I would get freaked out because I didn't know what was going on in my immediate surroundings (i.e. the train, conversation, etc.). Then I would be really focused on my immediate surroundings, and I'd suddenly have no knowledge of my existence -- like I couldn't remember who I was or WHY I was. So I'm having fcking existential crises in the subway. And feeling pretty claustrophobic on top. Here's another way to describe it. When you're having a dream, and you're trying to solve some problem, and you're getting frustrated and starting to feel like you're trapped in the dream, and you suddenly realize that it IS a dream, but you can't quite wake up yet, and your getting more and more frustrated, and finally you breakthrough and wake up. Ok, so that 30 second scary moment right before waking up? That's how I felt for 30 minutes. I thought I was going to die. Or perhaps that I preferred it. Or perhaps that I was experiencing it right then and I wasn't equipped to deal with the perception of unconsciousness that death brings.
Ugh.
The rest of the evening was about trying to find our friends after we lost their cell phone number, then drinking a beer at a weird sports bar, and telling various loud customers to "shut their piehole". Not to their face, just to ourselves and for our own amusement. I got my ass home, went to sleep, and that evened things out. Was a bit high in the morning, but not in a bad way. I can't fck with any serious shit anymore. I need to smoke small amount of crappy city herb -- not that potent homegrown midwestern isht that Chris does.
So now we're up to Saturday. I basically did not much but sleep, watch tv, and self-validate in the morning and early afternoon. Made lunch and a few phone calls. Headed down to Lakeview to meet Ryan, but he had to ditch me at the last minute, so I just bought Melanie a replacement earring (which I had been meaning to do for weeks), and then walked home. Went over to Meg's and helped(watched) her get ready for the show. We went to Stargaze where I ate and smoked by myself enjoying the sight of all the queer boyz and dykes. Di___ and Sh___ showed up, which was cool. And the show itself was rocked my socks. And possibly other things as well. Ryan kicked ass as George Michael and I REALLY think he should do Freedom next time. I decided not to punish him too badly for standing me up, though he needs to know that he owes me a cup of coffee from an undisclosed location at a yet-to-be determined time. So watch out. Some of my other favorite numbers of the show included the Tom Jones Medley (Meg's roommate and her friend were talented and they seemed to be having tons of fun), Aqua's Barbie Girl, Hello Muddah Hello Faddah, The Waitresses' I Know What Boys Like, and Freddie Mercury. Hmm. My favorite acts were either skits or gay icons (Freddie and George). Can you say "Ray's a fag"? I also loved anything that involved drag on top of drag (on top of drag). I had a lot of fun dancing, too, especially among all the eye candy. I also was very flattered by Ro___ who said she liked my goatee and thought it looked very handsome. I was totally blushing. That's high praise coming from a dyke!
Now, onto Sunday. Bummed around the house in the morning, ate lunch, showered and dressed, and went over to El__'s house at 2 pm. We walked to coffee, stayed there for about an hour and half, then they closed and kicked us out. So I walked her back home, but we took a meandering route, and had some interesting conversations about michigan woman's fest, gender, and other stuff. We got back to her apartment, and she invited me up. At this point, we've been talking for about 3 hours, not nonstop, but pretty regularly. Once we got back to her place, there were a lot more awkward silences, and I thought she was feeling awkward because she didn't want me there, but I think it was more that she wasn't sure what she wanted to do. At this point, I had told her about Melanie as my partner but said we were in an open relationship. We talked about that a little. Then I ended up giving her a tarot reading, which was sort of interesting. Then, finally, after 4 hours together, I finally just busted out and said, do you want some or not? Ok, not really. But I did say that I asked her out because I was interested, and wanted to know if she was, but knew that her feelings might have gotten a little more complicated by my relationship. So anyway, I think she's interested, but she wasn't sure what she wanted, or what boundaries she wanted, etc. etc. But she was like "you know I think your adorable, right? so it's not that i'm not attracted..." she also said that I had a really good vibe that she got from the couple times we chatted at the store, which I thought was cool. So anyway, she was feeling really wishy-washy and indecisive, and sort of embarassed by that. So I said that she had to make a decision about something but I didn't care what. So she decided to send me home (I had previously mentioned that I felt like I should go home, but didn't want to just jet without some resolution). So then I said, well let's set an evening that we'll talk or hangout, and you'll call me on that evening, unless you want to call ahead of time and make plans for something to do on that evening. And then I made her pick what evening she wanted. I assumed she'd be like "Thursday" or "Saturday", but she was like "how bout Tuesday?" So she's going to call me tonight and we're going to talk. Though I definitely prefer talking in person, so I'm going to suggest that we maybe meet in person, and maybe I'll suggest bringing a video over or something.
Anyway, I left the apartment, and gave her a hug when she left, which I think made her feel better, since she mentioned feeling like a "large child". Here's sort of my short assessment of the situation. One, I think she's a total bottom, which means that if I had just leaned over and kissed her, she'd be down, but because I asked first, she maybe got a little flustered and felt unsure. My second assessment is that she was probably trying to gauge me and what I felt and what she felt for me, which is plenty, but then when I threw in the whole "I'm not looking for a relationship, I just want to hang out, or hang out and fool around, or fool around only, etc.", so it was too many options, and she just wants to take a day or two to figure out what she's comfortable with.
Overall, the experience was super positive -- I had no ego bruising, felt flattered, felt communicative and honest. And she really is cool and sweet and attractive, and I think she would be fun to go out with in a lowkey way. I talked to Melanie about it yesterday, and I'm going to call her tomorrow to let her know if anything happened. We also talked about how she got lucky on Saturday night, and so far I'm feeling very proud of how I'm dealing with it. Any jealousy I feel is more about me wanting nookie too, not so much about her attention being diverted. I feel pretty confident about the boundaries Melanie has set up, and I think she's enjoying herself, which is important to me too. So it's a good model for me, esp. if something does go down with El___ as far as how to negotiate multiple encounters. We also talked about the whole sleeping with other things, because Melanie was invited to spend the weekend with Ra. I told her I was totally okay with that if other people were along, but that I would have to think about it it was just the two of them. I'm ashamed to admit that part of my response is hinging on how things go with El___ -- in other words, I can cope better with any jealousy issues if I'm not also dealing with disappointment issues. But we shall see.
Oh yeah, how could I forget? On Sunday evening, Joe called and we talked forever and a minute. He's no one-minute-man. We were talking like twins in their secret language, and I had a highly enjoyable time talking about everything under the sun.
Then yesterday I was super busy at work preparing a brief, that got sent off successfully, even though there were a couple of minor errors. Mostly minor, relating to page numbers. But no biggie.
And now I'm here and I'm hungry. But still excited about my date tonight. woo-hoo!
So. Where to begin.
On Friday, I left work early with the 2 interns to hit the tattoo shop. We took a couple hits beforehand, and things were all good. Then we met up with folks from work at Hi Ricky, got takeout, and headed back south to the Field Museum. We at dinner on the grass, the sunset and skyline were beautiful. The slideshow was fairly interesting (some history of Chicago) and Li__'s poem was awesome. The best line of the show (and by "best" I mean "worst") came after the part about the Chicago fire and how many buildings got destroyed and how many people got killed. "But Chicago said....so what." We were tripping.
Anyway, we went back to the train, half the group went home, the other half decided to go out, including Chris the intern who was going home the next day. We went back to his place again, took a couple hits, and this was what put me WAY over the edge. We went to the train station, and that's when I started freaking out. Luckily Damon was there and sober, so between laughing at my pitiful ass, he helped keep me okay. Basically, I was having problems shifting between my conscious mind (i.e. focusing on actual physical stimuli, like conversation, watching the train, etc.) and my unconscious mind (i.e. who I am, my memories, the solidness of my crystallized knowledge). So. I would either be focusing really hard on try to remember who I am and why I am and what my history is and why I'm doing what I am, but then I would get freaked out because I didn't know what was going on in my immediate surroundings (i.e. the train, conversation, etc.). Then I would be really focused on my immediate surroundings, and I'd suddenly have no knowledge of my existence -- like I couldn't remember who I was or WHY I was. So I'm having fcking existential crises in the subway. And feeling pretty claustrophobic on top. Here's another way to describe it. When you're having a dream, and you're trying to solve some problem, and you're getting frustrated and starting to feel like you're trapped in the dream, and you suddenly realize that it IS a dream, but you can't quite wake up yet, and your getting more and more frustrated, and finally you breakthrough and wake up. Ok, so that 30 second scary moment right before waking up? That's how I felt for 30 minutes. I thought I was going to die. Or perhaps that I preferred it. Or perhaps that I was experiencing it right then and I wasn't equipped to deal with the perception of unconsciousness that death brings.
Ugh.
The rest of the evening was about trying to find our friends after we lost their cell phone number, then drinking a beer at a weird sports bar, and telling various loud customers to "shut their piehole". Not to their face, just to ourselves and for our own amusement. I got my ass home, went to sleep, and that evened things out. Was a bit high in the morning, but not in a bad way. I can't fck with any serious shit anymore. I need to smoke small amount of crappy city herb -- not that potent homegrown midwestern isht that Chris does.
So now we're up to Saturday. I basically did not much but sleep, watch tv, and self-validate in the morning and early afternoon. Made lunch and a few phone calls. Headed down to Lakeview to meet Ryan, but he had to ditch me at the last minute, so I just bought Melanie a replacement earring (which I had been meaning to do for weeks), and then walked home. Went over to Meg's and helped(watched) her get ready for the show. We went to Stargaze where I ate and smoked by myself enjoying the sight of all the queer boyz and dykes. Di___ and Sh___ showed up, which was cool. And the show itself was rocked my socks. And possibly other things as well. Ryan kicked ass as George Michael and I REALLY think he should do Freedom next time. I decided not to punish him too badly for standing me up, though he needs to know that he owes me a cup of coffee from an undisclosed location at a yet-to-be determined time. So watch out. Some of my other favorite numbers of the show included the Tom Jones Medley (Meg's roommate and her friend were talented and they seemed to be having tons of fun), Aqua's Barbie Girl, Hello Muddah Hello Faddah, The Waitresses' I Know What Boys Like, and Freddie Mercury. Hmm. My favorite acts were either skits or gay icons (Freddie and George). Can you say "Ray's a fag"? I also loved anything that involved drag on top of drag (on top of drag). I had a lot of fun dancing, too, especially among all the eye candy. I also was very flattered by Ro___ who said she liked my goatee and thought it looked very handsome. I was totally blushing. That's high praise coming from a dyke!
Now, onto Sunday. Bummed around the house in the morning, ate lunch, showered and dressed, and went over to El__'s house at 2 pm. We walked to coffee, stayed there for about an hour and half, then they closed and kicked us out. So I walked her back home, but we took a meandering route, and had some interesting conversations about michigan woman's fest, gender, and other stuff. We got back to her apartment, and she invited me up. At this point, we've been talking for about 3 hours, not nonstop, but pretty regularly. Once we got back to her place, there were a lot more awkward silences, and I thought she was feeling awkward because she didn't want me there, but I think it was more that she wasn't sure what she wanted to do. At this point, I had told her about Melanie as my partner but said we were in an open relationship. We talked about that a little. Then I ended up giving her a tarot reading, which was sort of interesting. Then, finally, after 4 hours together, I finally just busted out and said, do you want some or not? Ok, not really. But I did say that I asked her out because I was interested, and wanted to know if she was, but knew that her feelings might have gotten a little more complicated by my relationship. So anyway, I think she's interested, but she wasn't sure what she wanted, or what boundaries she wanted, etc. etc. But she was like "you know I think your adorable, right? so it's not that i'm not attracted..." she also said that I had a really good vibe that she got from the couple times we chatted at the store, which I thought was cool. So anyway, she was feeling really wishy-washy and indecisive, and sort of embarassed by that. So I said that she had to make a decision about something but I didn't care what. So she decided to send me home (I had previously mentioned that I felt like I should go home, but didn't want to just jet without some resolution). So then I said, well let's set an evening that we'll talk or hangout, and you'll call me on that evening, unless you want to call ahead of time and make plans for something to do on that evening. And then I made her pick what evening she wanted. I assumed she'd be like "Thursday" or "Saturday", but she was like "how bout Tuesday?" So she's going to call me tonight and we're going to talk. Though I definitely prefer talking in person, so I'm going to suggest that we maybe meet in person, and maybe I'll suggest bringing a video over or something.
Anyway, I left the apartment, and gave her a hug when she left, which I think made her feel better, since she mentioned feeling like a "large child". Here's sort of my short assessment of the situation. One, I think she's a total bottom, which means that if I had just leaned over and kissed her, she'd be down, but because I asked first, she maybe got a little flustered and felt unsure. My second assessment is that she was probably trying to gauge me and what I felt and what she felt for me, which is plenty, but then when I threw in the whole "I'm not looking for a relationship, I just want to hang out, or hang out and fool around, or fool around only, etc.", so it was too many options, and she just wants to take a day or two to figure out what she's comfortable with.
Overall, the experience was super positive -- I had no ego bruising, felt flattered, felt communicative and honest. And she really is cool and sweet and attractive, and I think she would be fun to go out with in a lowkey way. I talked to Melanie about it yesterday, and I'm going to call her tomorrow to let her know if anything happened. We also talked about how she got lucky on Saturday night, and so far I'm feeling very proud of how I'm dealing with it. Any jealousy I feel is more about me wanting nookie too, not so much about her attention being diverted. I feel pretty confident about the boundaries Melanie has set up, and I think she's enjoying herself, which is important to me too. So it's a good model for me, esp. if something does go down with El___ as far as how to negotiate multiple encounters. We also talked about the whole sleeping with other things, because Melanie was invited to spend the weekend with Ra. I told her I was totally okay with that if other people were along, but that I would have to think about it it was just the two of them. I'm ashamed to admit that part of my response is hinging on how things go with El___ -- in other words, I can cope better with any jealousy issues if I'm not also dealing with disappointment issues. But we shall see.
Oh yeah, how could I forget? On Sunday evening, Joe called and we talked forever and a minute. He's no one-minute-man. We were talking like twins in their secret language, and I had a highly enjoyable time talking about everything under the sun.
Then yesterday I was super busy at work preparing a brief, that got sent off successfully, even though there were a couple of minor errors. Mostly minor, relating to page numbers. But no biggie.
And now I'm here and I'm hungry. But still excited about my date tonight. woo-hoo!
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payola
Date: 2001-07-31 10:21 am (UTC)And yes, coffee this week sounds dandy. I have so much free time now -- woo-hoo! Perhaps you can troll for jobs in boystown while I watch.....wait, maybe that's not what you meant. Though at 20 bucks a pop, why not? I'll be your pimp.
Anyway, I'm (tentatively) free on Wed, Thurs, or Fri......
Re: payola
Date: 2001-07-31 10:32 am (UTC)As for the job, you can be my reference. Part-time drag king, full time queer. Hehehe.
Ladeedah. where do you work, anyway?
Ry
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
Date: 2001-07-31 11:14 am (UTC)I'm pretty much a 9-5 kind of a guy. Well, I'm not really that kind of guy, preferably, but my job is that kind, so for right now, it's what I do. So I'm free after 5 pm. Or before 9 am, if you're particularly ambitious.
I really should look into becoming a full-time queer. Fck the whole music career thing.....
Re: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
Date: 2001-07-31 12:16 pm (UTC)Ry
"I got money to spend so bring the ho in. dress her nice and leave her in the benz...
Date: 2001-07-31 11:23 am (UTC)AH yes, what would rap be with our prostitutional references?
So, if you talk Ry into it, lemme know cause I got a nice crisp 20 and I am not opposed to payin for it, especially now that I know a percentage of the proceeds go to the "Ray's a Pimp" foundation. hee hee.
lookin for luv in all the wrong places,
Joe the Over-Zealous
Re: "I got money to spend so bring the ho in. dress her nice and leave her in the benz...
Date: 2001-07-31 11:29 am (UTC)I have a friend at school who had a lot of the issues with sex that I do. Not stone, wanted to be reciprocal, but was really scared. So we were on the same page. He hit on me lots, and I remember saying to him that we couldn't have sex, because after the kissing stage we would just end up lying there with nothing to do. Yeah.
I don't think I'd be a very good prostitute.
Ry
"I'm not gay...
Date: 2001-07-31 11:57 am (UTC)Don't worry -- I'll make the customers obey a strick hands-off policy. That's why I'm your pimp. I got your back, baby. Give Dirty your money.
Kelis
Re: "I'm not gay...
Date: 2001-07-31 12:20 pm (UTC)hehehe...just let them stick dollar bills down my pants as I gyrate...
Wait, wouldn't that make The Kings my collective pimp? Yes! Collective pimping!!!
Ry
"Pimpery pays....."
Date: 2001-07-31 11:55 am (UTC)Maybe if you hit the "Trans" button on your phone, Ry and I will magically appear. I don my 3 piece suit and Shirley Temple my hair. For rizzle.
Every now and then, you can put your mouth on me,
Kurupt
Re: "Pimpery pays....."
Date: 2001-08-01 10:03 am (UTC)[getting confused]
[Shirley Temple actually appearing]
[getting creeped out]
(shirley is WAY old!)
[getting turned on]
[goin fo shirley]