(no subject)

[raybear]

Spoke with Melanie and told her the scoop on last night. We also talked a bit about this weekend, though my opinion was sort of moot point since other people are going along now. But I'm still glad I told her. She seemed pretty bummed, because of a combination of things -- being busy, tired, stressed, possibly getting sick, and then 2 of the folks she spends the most time with will be gone the entire session (basically the next 2 weeks). I have this feeling that by the time she returns she will be completely exhausted, both mentally and physically. I'm sorta glad that I have to work during the day and she will have a whole week off, so she can have lots of time to herself to readjust without me feeling obligated to help, which I would probably try to do unsuccessfuly if we were seeing each other 24-7. I don't want to get weird either -- I know that I can sometimes get all narcisstic and sensitive, so if she's going on and on about how much she misses camp and people there, I'll start feeling all like "what about me? aren't you glad to be with me?", but my goal in the next few weeks is to be an ADULT. refreshing, huh? And realize that she's telling me things because she likes to share what she's feeling, and hello dumbass, I like to hear how she's feeling. And not everything's about me. So chill. I get so emotionally childlike at times. But I think I'm getting some growing pains and expanding into adulthood.

After work I'm hanging out with bouncy boy Ryan. I'm guessing he won't be dressed as George Michael, so I hope I'll recognize him.

This morning I started constructing a mixtape I think I will entitle "Urban Love Movement", which sounds cheesy, but it comes from a discussion with Melanie (that started as a seed of a conversation with La___ a LONG time ago) about music and it's relation to environment and where you live, and how the folks at camp who are from Vermont don't necessarily "get" things like hip hop, techno, electronica, or even punk, emo, or complicated singer-songwriters. I've experience the reverse effect to, where city folks and/or Northerners and/or non-southerners don't "get" the blues or country/folk (and I mean REAL country, not Shania crap or whatever). So anyway, yeah, I want to make a mixtape of complicated love songs for cityfolk. Of course, right as I started typing this I FORGOT what I wanted to put on the list....umm....oh yeah, I'm thinking Bjork. Tricky. Aimee Mann. Mark Eitzel. Dance Hall Crashers. Artful Dodger. hmmm....keep brainstorming while making boring labels for the archives....

Comments

what???

[ridleymae.livejournal.com]

you mean everything is not about you?

[lol] i have this exact same problem

examplar anecdote:
i was one a date once with this individual i really liked. We got back to ze's place and started talking about some really intense shit. Ze was totally opening up to me. And in the back of my head, i kept thinking, "when are we going to make out??" So selfish. I mean it was really cool that we were getting to know each other better in other ways besides sex, but i was more interested in the physical part because it had to do with me (getting off that is). doh.duh.

[shaking head] :)
Ridley

Re: what???

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I think what's so weird for me personally is that I totally switch in a relationship (surprise, surprise....no snide comments please), where in the beginning, I'm totally this huge "giver" who can pay endless attention to a person and be uber-patient and take people at face value, and have complete faith in their feeling towards me. But then as I get involved, I sometimes turn around and get more insecure and make everything about me and what they're giving me and feeling selfish. I actually didn't realize I was doing this until VERY recently (like after my last relationship ended, and then it started happening in my current one). So now I'm trying to limit my switch-ness to the bedroom. And in regular interactions be more of a blend, versus one or the other.

Oh, and in regards to your anecdote, my experience on Tuesday definitely had an element of that. Though sometimes I was the culprit. She would ask some questions, I'd start rambling, and then be like, hey, why am I talking? we should be doing something else.....