birth of a baby boy
Aug. 3rd, 2001 11:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearI unintentionally let my 9 month hormone mark slip by me. It was July 24th, which was the day after my trip to Vermont. I remembered, I just neglected to comment.
Today I was sort of amazing myself when looking at my reflection, and how my clothes are falling off my body and spilling down in different ways. My arms are more uniform shape....like they don't taper at my wrist as much. I have hair on my hands. The hair on my legs is visible in only the light of the tv (I noticed this last night) -- this probably doesn't make sense...... My neck fits into my shoulders differently -- I've definitely gone up in collar-size. I think my hands are differently shaped, but I can't quite figure out how. The changes are complicated by my weight loss -- like I'm not sure what comes from what, though they are all related. My belly fuzz is certainly more significant, and now I'm even getting more chest fuzz. Which is a little weird seeing as my chest is not...typical, so to speak. But it actually doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I think I'm sort of embracing my genderqueer gynandrousness. So to speak. In other words, to quote a certain someone my gender rules. I decided last night to start wearing earrings again, but of course I don't have any decent ones, but luckily it's HalstedMarketDays this weekend, which means plenty of booths with faggy/dykey silver hoops. I think I want some thick chunky ones...maybe I'll even start getting my holes stretched....but anyway, I digress. Back to my gender-which-rules.
One of the interns this summer who I've been hanging out with asked me yesterday if I had already had surgery. She was also pretty amazed that I had been on hormones for less than a year. She thought I had been transitioning for several years. This made me feel good about my level of masculinity. And just as I suspected, as my physical masculine presence grows, my trans/genderqueer/multi-gendered/female-experience self is coming out more. As I said to a certain someone not to long ago, "I"m glad I have a pussy." I guess if there was some utopian wish-granting going on, I would perhaps wish for a working copy of all types of equipment, with the option to remove or use any or all at any time I want. Hell, if you're going to do pointless wishing, you might as well go the full ride, eh?
I guess I just feel really okay with myself right now. This was one of the nice things to come out of my experience on Tuesday. I was able to have this total moment of bottom desire where I was able to be in my body while it was being viewed and, surprise, surprise, I liked it. Yes, I liked my body. Who the fuck knew. Not me. Will this last? Probably not. But who cares. The fact that I'm able to possess it for any fleeting moment is pretty miraculous.
[Why do I feel like Joe is stalking me through the radio?]
Today I was sort of amazing myself when looking at my reflection, and how my clothes are falling off my body and spilling down in different ways. My arms are more uniform shape....like they don't taper at my wrist as much. I have hair on my hands. The hair on my legs is visible in only the light of the tv (I noticed this last night) -- this probably doesn't make sense...... My neck fits into my shoulders differently -- I've definitely gone up in collar-size. I think my hands are differently shaped, but I can't quite figure out how. The changes are complicated by my weight loss -- like I'm not sure what comes from what, though they are all related. My belly fuzz is certainly more significant, and now I'm even getting more chest fuzz. Which is a little weird seeing as my chest is not...typical, so to speak. But it actually doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I think I'm sort of embracing my genderqueer gynandrousness. So to speak. In other words, to quote a certain someone my gender rules. I decided last night to start wearing earrings again, but of course I don't have any decent ones, but luckily it's HalstedMarketDays this weekend, which means plenty of booths with faggy/dykey silver hoops. I think I want some thick chunky ones...maybe I'll even start getting my holes stretched....but anyway, I digress. Back to my gender-which-rules.
One of the interns this summer who I've been hanging out with asked me yesterday if I had already had surgery. She was also pretty amazed that I had been on hormones for less than a year. She thought I had been transitioning for several years. This made me feel good about my level of masculinity. And just as I suspected, as my physical masculine presence grows, my trans/genderqueer/multi-gendered/female-experience self is coming out more. As I said to a certain someone not to long ago, "I"m glad I have a pussy." I guess if there was some utopian wish-granting going on, I would perhaps wish for a working copy of all types of equipment, with the option to remove or use any or all at any time I want. Hell, if you're going to do pointless wishing, you might as well go the full ride, eh?
I guess I just feel really okay with myself right now. This was one of the nice things to come out of my experience on Tuesday. I was able to have this total moment of bottom desire where I was able to be in my body while it was being viewed and, surprise, surprise, I liked it. Yes, I liked my body. Who the fuck knew. Not me. Will this last? Probably not. But who cares. The fact that I'm able to possess it for any fleeting moment is pretty miraculous.
[Why do I feel like Joe is stalking me through the radio?]
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no subject
Date: 2001-08-03 09:23 am (UTC)Ry
no subject
Date: 2001-08-03 05:42 pm (UTC)[shhhhh!]
Dude, you promised to keep that a secret if I sucked you off behind the grocery store! I can't believe you LIED to me!!!
I would give you a good tongue lashing, but you'd only betray me again! and besides, I'm busy brushing my teeth now, so I can't. hee hee
Joe the scanky non-stalker