raybear | Then someone sat me down last night and I heard Caruso sing.

I hadn't been to temple in awhile, too caught up in avoiding it, I suppose, in the midst of a stressful fall and winter. So I was both excited and nervous about going to the annual candlelight service. Once I was there, it was hard to remember being nervous at all, I felt right back at home and during the service, everything that was spoken just went right into my heart and was exactly what I needed to hear, to be reminded of. No matter how much you "know" something, I'm realizing more how important it is to say it and hear it again and again and again. Like telling someone "i love you", which I've been do a lot more lately in general, not just as a flippant saluation, but really feeling it in the moment and allowing myself to just say it, no matter how it might get read or misread, because I don't care. It's love, damnit.

It's weird to hear it. Or rather, sometimes it's said to me and I wrestle to put the meaning together, distrustful, wary of it's overuse and indeterminate meaning. Other times I hear it and I'm completely overwhelmed that someone is saying it to me and I'm extremely grateful. Sometimes it's both.

I don't know what it means. I'm not even sure what it feels like all the time. But it's something.