The wind is a warning

[raybear]

I love when you've been on livejournal so long that you don't even realize you start to take for granted the presence of certain people on your friends list until you enter into a new crushed out period with them. Right now, I'm all about bigfatmama, which, I mean, it's not like I was ever NOT about her or something, it's just more that I'm acting like I just discovered her journal and how fabulous she is even though we've been reading each other's stuff for, what, I don't know, four years? At the very least, three years.

I'm in a weird weird weird weird mood and have been all week. Very much in my head and somewhat withdrawn. Not necessarily depressed, I don't feel sad exactly, but I don't exactly feel buoyant and joyful and present. I have moments of being fine, don't get me wrong. It makes me think I'm processing something unconsciously and wrestling around and soon it will pop out fully formed from my head, like Athena.¹ I'm also absorbed in more writing and reading projects and finding it hard to shift gears quickly and focus on the present, but I'm not sure if that's a cause or an effect. My moodiness is slow, I guess.

Yesterday I went to a rally about an anti-immigration bill and pretended to be a heterosexual man married to cocolola who was carrying around our blue-eyed baby, except I didn't really pretend, people made those assumptions, and I just felt awkward and wasn't sure if it was worth the effort to correct them. I like hanging out with them on babysitting days because I get to hang out with a baby too (and because usually Hot Doug's is involved), and I might not be the first person in a room to run up to a stroller and make faces, but I do dig hanging out with babies. However, I felt more comfortable afterwards with just Coco, sans baby, sitting at restaurant with a margarita in hand and eating nachos. That's more my everyday style.

¹: I knew limenal was a soulmate of mine when she finished this sentence on our first dinner date.

Comments

[cocolola.livejournal.com]

ja ja ja - i was talking to mint about that - how everyone thought we were married and new parents, and how it was kind of wierd but neither of us corrected the assumeption because it was too awkward. i think because no one ASKED, is this your baby, are you married, etc, or even mentioned it explicitly. they just talked to us as if that were a given. oh well - straight for a day! xoxo