raybear | My friend said stick to your guns but instead I just stuck.

Today has been a challenge. I don't remember my morning, oh wait, yes I do, I scrambled eggs and watched tv and then I got dressed and went to the dentist. It was uncomfortable, but not traumatic. The dental surgeon guy was pretty fcking cute actually, which is so ridiculous as I'm sure he would never date someone like me who never flosses. But he kept checking in with me every other minute because it was my first cavity and he was impressed that I was doing so well and I felt both sheepish and juvenile and flattered by the attention. Mostly I just hated having isht in my mouth for an our and getting all dried out. The shot wasn't too bad at first until he hit the nerve and this weird electric jolt thing happened that made my leg kick up. He quickly apologized. "The good news is that it means it will get numb the first time!" he said. And he was right, that isht was NUMB. My face felt so bizarre. I was completely fascinated and enamored with my numbness afterwards and how it made my whole mouth and tongue feel off-centered because I had sensation in only one half of my tongue.

I have to go back next week. And maybe a fourth time too, it's unclear.

Then some isht happened in the afternoon. Then I went to work and had actual work to do, so I was busy and time flew by. Tonight's dinner was from Burrito Beach or some other downtown mexican-style restaurant and they had (among other things) hard-shelled tacos. I haven't had a hard-shelled taco since I was a teenager, I think, but it was calling me so I went for it. All I have to say is, pass the Old El Paso. That isht was tasty.

Now I'm hanging out in an undershirt and dress pants drinking wine but I'm going to indulge my inner teenage wannabe poet and post song lyrics in my journal. omg, what year is it.

Oh, where’ you goin’ for the two hundred and fiftieth time
(Well I’m waiting for a sign)
Well, it looks just like another line
And I’m walking backwards to the place where I come from
Oh but that ain’t enough, no you want me to run

Used to feel like California, with baby eyes so blue
Now I feel like Carolina, I split myself in two
Now I’m walking backwards from Chicago through Washington
Oh but that ain’t enough no, you want me to run
Oh that ain’t enough no you want me to run

Better watch your soul it’ll leave you like a hundred bucks
My friend said, “stick to your guns”
But instead I just got stuck
And I’m walking backwards lookin’ forward to getting done
Oh but that ain’t enough, no you want me to run
Oh that ain’t enough no, you want me to run

Used to feel like California, with baby eyes so blue
Now I feel like Carolina, I split myself in two

m. ward