Maybe its much to early in the game.

[raybear]

At the new year's eve service at temple, one of the rituals is the burning of one's defilements, or 'bad habits' as they gently put it. You have a piece of a paper, about 4x6 and a small golf pencil and a few minutes to write down all the things from the past year you want to let go of, send up in smoke. Last year, they started a new tradition of giving out a second piece of paper. On this one, you write down all the 'good habits' you desire to cultivate in the next year. Last year, I left my paper blank. I folded it in quarters and stuck it in my pocket and I still have it -- stuck into my 'writing altar' in the office which is basically my MFA thesis, lots of blank books, and inspirational notes on post-its. The emptiness sort of represented possibility of all the things I could and would do in 2007. It also represented the state of mind I was in, weighed down and paralyzed and trying to get rid of so much of my 'bad habits' that I couldn't even conceive of what positive aspirations I had.

This year, I wrote out my defilements and I felt like I had more jotted down than years' past, but only because I was able to write out specifically what things were bothering me, what I wanted to let go. And when it came time for the good habits, I knew right away what to right there as well, it was very clear the things I want to cultivate and do more of:

sit
write
breathe
speak
move
love

Now I'm about to drink coffee and pull out the paper journal and see the concrete 'resolutions' I made last year. I know that I did not achieve lots of them, but I'm okay with most all of it -- because I either learned something concrete about myself in why I didn't do it, or I'm okay with just adding it to the list for this year. Like learning to do a headstand.

Comments

[wearemany.livejournal.com]

happy new year's, baby. xoxoxo.

[fuzzilla.livejournal.com]

I think I kinda decided that Livejournal is my defilement - ha! I'm starting to miss it, though, so I'm coming back in dribs and drabs. And happy new year to you.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

there you are! i was just thinking about how you've been MIA from my friends page. happy new year!