If exorcise my devils, my angels may leave too.

[raybear]

[Insert paragraph of observations/rant/whines/vent/frustrations about winter and cold and grey and weather and seasonal misery and battling back depression since coming back from vacation. I have nothing new to say on the topic, really, so I think a simple "noted" will suffice.]

Cupcakes Malone is gone. Like, for real, disappeared. Ok, its been two weeks. But he is someone who is very responsive -- up until this point, every text or e-mail or phone call has been returned, within hours, if not minutes. He was sick before I went on vacation, he thought it was mono, but went to the doctor and said it wasn't. I sent him a couple texts from Miami and didn't hear from him, but then he wrote me on Tuesday when I was on the train coming home from the airport. He had gone back to the doctor who gave him antibiotics. And that's the last I heard. I've sent him a couple texts, an email, and even, gasp, a voicemail. Nothing. I'm feeling a bit worried and perplexed and while he wasn't the love of my life, ripped from my bosom against my wishes in an untimely manner or anything so intense or dramatic such as that, he was someone whose presence was around every week and who I miss - I liked our time together, I wanted more of it, but I'm also in the amorphous space where if he's really sick (and/or dead, which I have thought about, sadly), I would not necessarily be contacted. Or maybe he's straight up blowing me off. But that doesn't seem like him. Then again, see how I just mentioned that I don't really know him that well yet. I don't know, right now its just sort of odd and disconcerting and vague feelings of dread in the pit of my stomach when I think about it.

Its sunny and above 30 degrees today, maybe even above 40, so I will get dressed and get on my bike and maybe that will help a few things. Like get my library books returned and get myself to the gym.

Comments

[fuzzilla.livejournal.com]

My complete and total guess would be that he met someone he wanted to be serious with. He could still let you know what's up, though. People are so frustrating sometimes.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

My other thought was that he's dating someone else and doesn't have time for me. Except that's totally not at all what we've talked about in the past. He is affirmedly nonmonogamous and we've both been open and honest about how much we want/can give, what are dates meant, other dates we had, etc. etc. so I really would have expected him to say, 'hey, I met this fabulous person and I'm probably going to give them my attention to them for awhile.' It just seems odd and out of the bit of his character I know. So maybe I was wrong about him and its just as well.

I can't decide if its more cynical to think he's dead or that he's dumped me passively. Maybe equal, but the latter is more narcississtic.