We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl.

[raybear]

I just sent someone an e-mail saying I didn't want to go on a date with him. We haven't even been on a date yet, we've only chatted online a few times, but I figured, ok, breathe, let's do the forward, direct, courteous thing and just tell him. That isht is hard for me. It really kinda freaks me out when someone is more into me than I am into them. It also has hard for me to assert what I want and have that be ok. I just freeze up and get all panicky. Its sort of a hilarious reaction to think about in this situation, because what is he going to do, force me to go on a date with him? But we're not talking logic, we're talking emotions here, so even after I sent the very careful but simple three line e-mail, I immediately worried what he would say or do, which is ridiculous because that answer is 99.9% likely to be 'nothing'. I mean, ok, he could write back, and he might, and that will fall into 3 categories: 1) that's a bummer, thanks for letting me know; 2) that's a bummer and you're missing out for blowing me off!; 3) you're a [lots of expletives]. Wait, I guess a fourth option is he might write back and ask "is it something I said" and ask for clarification but note to self: DON'T LET ME REPLY. And maybe these e-mails will make me feel guilty and question my worth as a judge of character, but really, I think I'm finally ready to get over that.

There are a lot of things I'm finally ready to get over lately, I think, most of them related to issues of confidence and awareness of myself and acceptance. Though what I'm realizing is that many of these things, I had before, but then they kinda got eroded in these obscured and unexpected ways over the years.

Ok, I just went into my e-mail to look something I'm going to cut-and-paste here and he already wrote me back. It said "fair enough. take care." See, self? That wasn't so hard. Crisis averted.

So, nearly 2 weeks ago, sebastian6 posed some questions to me and I'm finally getting around to addressing them here. They've been rattling around in my brain a bit, though I'm not sure you'll be able to tell, as I'm just going to freewrite my answers, I don't have anything I'm prepared to say (I feel like blogging is really one or the other -- its a fully formed quasi-essay in my head that I'm anxious to sit and type out, or its just a meandering, organic thought parade.


1. Do you think mythology can help solve our problems?
2. Do you think it's important (or do we do it involuntarily) to create our own personal mythology?
3. What do you think of the balance between staying true to our own personal mythologies and butting against the sharp curves of other's/reality?

[I'm going to answer these answers in one chunk, since they're related in how I'm thinking about them.]

I'm not sure about mythology solving our problems, per se, but I think mythology can be powerful in revealing our problems, specifically, how we think about the world and how that might cause us problems, or how we go about solving problems. I say this as someone who loves mythology, particularly origin myths, and not just necessarily the big creation ones, but all the minor ones in Edith Hamilton's Mythology that explain how we got the term tantalize or why mosquitos buzz in our ear or any of the stories told to us frequently in childhood. As an adult, I was resistant at first to television shows that started having "mytharc" style narratives in some ways. I used to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation, but I didn't like the episodes with repeated characters/themes, e.g. the Borg -- I actually preferred the stand-alone type story episodes. Same with The X-Files, at first. I actually preferred "Monster of the Week" stories, over the larger conspiracy episodes that didn't resolve themselves immediately. Now I realize I like shows that are hybrids. I think short myths are useful, but I also like the longer myths with short ones inside, like the Odyssey.

I think mythology is, or should be, or maybe rather could and used to be, closely linked to religion. Or maybe essentially it was religion and that is why people who take the Bible so literally bother me. It doesn't make logical sense that way, and its not supposed to -- myths aren't logical, they don't occur in the real world in the same way, but that doesn't make them any less powerful. In fact, sometimes it makes them more so. They resonate with us emotionally and connect to something universal and intersting, and that used to be enough -- now we are stuck on what's 'real', what's 'true' in these supposedly rational ways. I think truth is subjective, its complicated, but then again I'm a moral relativist, I suppose. I think there are probably Truths with a capital t to indicate absolutism, but I don't know what that Truth is and I don't believe anyone who says they do, really. (If you see the buddha in the road, kill it.)

But I think mythology can tell us how we see the world, and why, so in a way, its almost more like psychology and the therapeutic process. I do have a personal mythology and that is probably what I am picking apart in session but also what I am writing over and over again, either here or in letters to people or in my stories or just to myself in my sleep. I think people live by their personal mythologies and sometimes they work and sometimes they don't, and sometimes when they are revealed to them as just a myth, they decide to embrace that is part of them or they search for something new to replace it. Generally this decision is based on the question of them working. Do I think its important to create one? I think maybe I believe we involuntarily do it. Is it important to realize we are doing it? I think so. I think it explains a lot of our behaviours as humans, we are stuck in our own mythology and think its The Truth, but its just one story that is sorta true, it feels true. We are wanting that concrete, that fact, that realness. Its why memoirs are so popular, people want to connect but only if its real and its only real if it really happened. But what does "really happened" even necessarily mean? My way of seeing it is just that -- my way.

And I think when we get less hung up on what is Truth in our personal mythologies, when we see them as just a limited part of existence and accept that other mythologies are out there, I think the bumping into each other will hurt less. I think there would be less trying to change other's mythologies or deem them wrong or just flat out ignoring their worth and existence, which I think is probably more common.


4. What 70s rock star would you makeout with?

Oh man, I'd make out with a BUNCH of them, just because I could. Even if I wasn't necessarily that hot for Jeff Lynne, Boz Scaggs or all of Bread, I'd roll around with them just for the sheer experience for it. But I guess when it comes to 70s people who make my heart melt a little based on looks, style, and music, I'd have to say.....

all of Fleetwood Mac


James Taylor


most of Pink Floyd


....and Gregg Allman, of course.




tracijean also gave me a writing challenge but I need a minute to work on that one before I post it.

In Other News^TM, I'm going to Ragdale!!! I just got a phone message announcing my acceptance!!!!!!!

Comments

[raybear.livejournal.com]

thanks fp!