Every step is moving me up.

[raybear]

I wasn't expecting to learn this today, but I did NOT get the Madison creative writing fellowship I applied for. I'm kinda bummed. I knew it was a longshot, but I'd thought about it enough and realized that it was something I really wanted. Which is a helpful thing too, since now I know what to work towards. But sucks because it means starting over, researching, applying, re-applying, later, rinse, repeat. I mean, the feeling of rejection is bad enough, now I have to also regroup so I can set myself up for it again?? (Sure, I know this is how the whole writing thing works, that it is a painfully slow process, but that doesn't mean I can't complain on occasion!)

There are up-sides to this plan not working out, I have some other strategies in place, but today I think I'll let myself mope and be disappointed a bit. Tomorrow I'll start looking at plane tickets for possible trips and focusing more energy on the Ragdale residency at the end of the summer. Because I don't want to just relegate that to some runner-up experience.

I'm glad that I started my online savings account first thing this morning BEFORE I went to the UW website and saw the posting of who got the awards, because otherwise I might have blown all that money on something to temporarily make me feel better. Well, I still might buy some underwear.

ETA: Ok, disabling comments seems so extreme, so I'll just straight up say -- please feel no obligation to send *hugs* or anything like that, sometimes that isht just makes me feel straight up more icky. Save your commenting for the posts where I really spill my guts!

Comments

[tracijean.livejournal.com]

dude. i can't even get my shit together enough to APPLY for anything. it's not even fear of rejection - it's just distract-o-matic.

did you get underwear?

[raybear.livejournal.com]

No, I couldn't find what I wanted. But I went to the irregular/wholesale shop and got two american apparel t-shirts for $5 a piece (one heather grey and one light blue) and a heather grey worn out polo with funky stitching that I'm wearing RIGHT NOW. It has the musty "been in a box in a factory for several years" smell, but I hung it up by the open window for a couple hours and now its great.

I love me some heather gray.

This place also has wholesale clothes by International Male which always tempt me because they are SO RIDIC.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

i'm totally buying these: http://www.abcunderwear.com/crabby-brief.html