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raybearthis is what happens when i fall asleep pre-10 pm. I wake up 4 hours later in the middle of the night and can't sleep. i've been puttering around -- had a snack, watched some tv, watched some porn, went back to MTV2 which is more interesting since it's "hip hop month", and now i've caved in and dialed up because i don't seem to be getting any more sleepy.
unfortunately i was a lame phone date for Miss T this evening, partly because i'm battling some virus, or maybe i'm just extremely lazy which is why i keep sleeping so gddamn much.
well, at least i've gotten caught up on reading the weekend's livejournal. my weekend was super lowkey, which i loved. i think i had a home time deficiency, and i managed to bank some time so i'm not as overdrawn. can you tell that i'm broke and worried about money? i'm using financial institution metaphors to discuss my emotional status. anyway, the only signigicant outing was saturday evening when MelRo and I went on a date and saw the movie Ghost World. loved it. I know most everyone else has too, so I don't feel particularly compelled to go into it, since movie critics have probably already said it, and said it better.
for some reason i really want the Doobie Brothers greatest hits album they're currently advertising.
on sunday morning, melanie and i went grocery shopping, which is actually one of my favorite activites. i think because i'm a fag and love to cook, and i also just love to eat, and it makes me feel wealthy to go and fill a cart with food, and there's still an element of me feeling all proud of being responsible and adult. which is weird since i've been living on my own and grocery shopping and paying my own bills and such for more than 5 years now. i guess going to Jewel produces better results than mailing a check to ComEd. so yeah, it's pretty therapeutic for me to just walk a cart up and down every aisle of a grocery store.
they've been showing Lil Kim's "crush on you" video a lot lately. and now they're following it with the video for "how many licks". sure makes the plastic surgery changes more obvious. my love for lil kim has little to do actually wanting/thinking about fcking her. it's more like i want her to be a fag hag with me. why am i so weird?
"alright that's enough."
just read an interview on Laurie Anderson. then checked my e-mail and Damon sent me an article by her -- but its was from the early-90s! hmm. i love her and want her career. thinking of her also reminds me of kate bornstein because we talked about her Moby Dick show when I met her in december of 1999. but anyway, it's funny how i just started listening to her music randomly last week while hunting for sounds for a mixtape. then i start paying attention and she's everywhere -- she even released an album not long ago, which i didn't hear about until today. i tend to have psychic pop culture moments a lot, but they still surprise and impress me. if i do say so myself. it's not even likely that i absorb the information subconsiously and then think about it later -- i pay close attention to pop culture and have a high absorption rate. so not too much gets inputed and not recorded.
i think i'm in the low end of a sexual cycle. which seems like a weird thing to say, seeing as i've had sex very very recently. and good sex, i might add. great sex, to be more accurate. but for the most part i'm not feeling terribly sexual, as far as my energy levels and interest. which is weird since i've been pretty creative lately and the two often go hand in hand. and it's not anything that needs to be "addressed". like i'm not having a low libido moment where watching people kiss on television makes me feel nauseous. i haven't been to that level in a really long time, and don't necessarily anticipate being there again, since that was during a particularly bad time, in regards to my emotional self-esteem, as well as relationship issues. but i guess i'm still always nervous about ending up in that place if i'm not paying attention. not so much because it's the end of the world if i don't want to have sex -- it's just that i can often gauge my general mental health based on sex drive. i shouldn't even say the phrase sex drive. more my erotic health? that sounds weird too. basically i'm saying that i'm not referring to how often i have sex, but my attitude about having it, wanting it, feeling it, and thinking about it and how it relates to other areas. nothing to do with partners either, really. so anyway. yeah. that's what's up now. or not up. [boooooo!]
ok, i think i've managed to wear myself out some, so i'm going to head back to bed, try not to wake up melro, and maybe get a second 4-hour shift of sleep. i feel a little achey too -- probably that virus i'm fighting off....
unfortunately i was a lame phone date for Miss T this evening, partly because i'm battling some virus, or maybe i'm just extremely lazy which is why i keep sleeping so gddamn much.
well, at least i've gotten caught up on reading the weekend's livejournal. my weekend was super lowkey, which i loved. i think i had a home time deficiency, and i managed to bank some time so i'm not as overdrawn. can you tell that i'm broke and worried about money? i'm using financial institution metaphors to discuss my emotional status. anyway, the only signigicant outing was saturday evening when MelRo and I went on a date and saw the movie Ghost World. loved it. I know most everyone else has too, so I don't feel particularly compelled to go into it, since movie critics have probably already said it, and said it better.
for some reason i really want the Doobie Brothers greatest hits album they're currently advertising.
on sunday morning, melanie and i went grocery shopping, which is actually one of my favorite activites. i think because i'm a fag and love to cook, and i also just love to eat, and it makes me feel wealthy to go and fill a cart with food, and there's still an element of me feeling all proud of being responsible and adult. which is weird since i've been living on my own and grocery shopping and paying my own bills and such for more than 5 years now. i guess going to Jewel produces better results than mailing a check to ComEd. so yeah, it's pretty therapeutic for me to just walk a cart up and down every aisle of a grocery store.
they've been showing Lil Kim's "crush on you" video a lot lately. and now they're following it with the video for "how many licks". sure makes the plastic surgery changes more obvious. my love for lil kim has little to do actually wanting/thinking about fcking her. it's more like i want her to be a fag hag with me. why am i so weird?
"alright that's enough."
just read an interview on Laurie Anderson. then checked my e-mail and Damon sent me an article by her -- but its was from the early-90s! hmm. i love her and want her career. thinking of her also reminds me of kate bornstein because we talked about her Moby Dick show when I met her in december of 1999. but anyway, it's funny how i just started listening to her music randomly last week while hunting for sounds for a mixtape. then i start paying attention and she's everywhere -- she even released an album not long ago, which i didn't hear about until today. i tend to have psychic pop culture moments a lot, but they still surprise and impress me. if i do say so myself. it's not even likely that i absorb the information subconsiously and then think about it later -- i pay close attention to pop culture and have a high absorption rate. so not too much gets inputed and not recorded.
i think i'm in the low end of a sexual cycle. which seems like a weird thing to say, seeing as i've had sex very very recently. and good sex, i might add. great sex, to be more accurate. but for the most part i'm not feeling terribly sexual, as far as my energy levels and interest. which is weird since i've been pretty creative lately and the two often go hand in hand. and it's not anything that needs to be "addressed". like i'm not having a low libido moment where watching people kiss on television makes me feel nauseous. i haven't been to that level in a really long time, and don't necessarily anticipate being there again, since that was during a particularly bad time, in regards to my emotional self-esteem, as well as relationship issues. but i guess i'm still always nervous about ending up in that place if i'm not paying attention. not so much because it's the end of the world if i don't want to have sex -- it's just that i can often gauge my general mental health based on sex drive. i shouldn't even say the phrase sex drive. more my erotic health? that sounds weird too. basically i'm saying that i'm not referring to how often i have sex, but my attitude about having it, wanting it, feeling it, and thinking about it and how it relates to other areas. nothing to do with partners either, really. so anyway. yeah. that's what's up now. or not up. [boooooo!]
ok, i think i've managed to wear myself out some, so i'm going to head back to bed, try not to wake up melro, and maybe get a second 4-hour shift of sleep. i feel a little achey too -- probably that virus i'm fighting off....
