Life could be fucking great

[raybear]

I feel like a soft-shell crab who's waiting for my hard shell to finish forming. In the meantime, I can hardly stand to be in my own skin, much less handle outside stimuli. I don't like it.

I talked on the phone a lot last night. Probably too much. Esp. since I barely remember what I said -- though that could also be because I was doing two things at once. With Tara I was putting away and organizing clothes. So when I hung up with her, I remembered neither the conversation nor the location of certain items of clothing. Finally the information came back to me in odd pairs -- the sweater vests are folded together on top of the drawer because english majors are annoying classmates. Then on the phone with Damon I was distracted with tape-making. I can remember everything he told me but nothing I told him.

I made the first half of mixtape last night for someone. This morning I was listening to it on the train and decided it should be called "Not Your Average Love Songs".

Then I had the weird idea of making a copy for my parents. Maybe because today I don't like them very much and I don't like thinking about my history with them or even in general.

So I guess I'll give it up
yeah I guess I will
what's the use in pushing
when it's all uphill

I can't be appointed
keeper of the flame
without two to carry
it won't burn the same - oh

It seems obvious to me
but then again
could be
you just never felt that way

I wish you believed in life
believed in fate
believed you were lucky
and worth the wait
'cause life could be lovely
Life could be so great

It gets so embarassing
so I acquiesce
and I'll change my mind again
you change your address - oh
It seems logical to me
but then again
could be I was simply not that smart

I thought you believed in life
believed in fate
believed you were lucky
and worth the wait
'cause life could be lovely
Life could be so great

There must be some other door that they are saving
behind which my happiness lies
I won't be wasting my words
to tell you hopes that I had -
we can just leave it alone for now

I wish you: Belief in Life
Belief in Fate
Belief you are Lucky
and worth the wait
'cause life could be lovely
Life could be fucking great.

--Aimee Mann (Til Tuesday)

and also:

You know you've got my hands,
and you've got your father's eyes -
Lovely, bold eyes
I know that it's not fair, but things aren't always what they seem - and now I worry so -

Where you'll lay your head, where you'll sleep tonight,
Way up high, why, oh why can't I
Someone's pillow's cold, someone loved you so,
And bluebirds sang, "There's no place like home"
(They sang)

Where's the heart in me that made the one in you so cold,
Please don't go
'Cause I know where you got that dress, I know where you learned to walk like that

['Cause] you were so much, so much mine,
now I reach for you and I cannot find you
So much, so much mine,
now I reach for you and I cannot find you
{so much, so much mine
now I reach for you and I cannot find you
so much, so much mine
now I reach for you and I cannot find you
and there's no place like home}

(--The Story)

Comments

[stuey.livejournal.com]

oh, my. the virginia woolf class. classic. i think i took it the year after you did. with a very bizarre prof. why can't i remember her name? and you had a class right across the hall from me.

that was my *good* year.

ps. i *heart* jennifer kimball

how could you forget?

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Christine Froula.

I don't normally name names in my journal, but she's a public figure....at least in the realm of Woolf academia.

did she ever wear the black fishnet stockings with the short black skirt and black beret? i'll never forget the day she walked into our class wearing that and i stopped talking mid-syllable. oh my.
completely unexpected.

Re: how could you forget?

[stuey.livejournal.com]

how could i forget is right. my word. i think she did indeed wear that outfit (which you warned me about at the time. over and over. :)), but i wasn't so shocked due to my analysis and performance of lit. prof. wearing her dominatrix pants at least once a week my freshman year.

wow. NU rocks. i wrote a paper on *the waves* as compared to the bible. how great.