raybear: (Default)
Thank you to everyone for kind words and thoughts about my layoff yesterday. It still hasn't 100% sunk in honestly, even though my brain is also going a little bit into overdrive. I'm not allowing myself to do anything concrete until Monday, and I'm even waiting until next week to go to the unemployment offices to file my claim (since I don't need to frontload my cash so desperately). The other piece I realized last night is that because I'm hourly, not salaried, my last paycheck on the 30th which would normally be paying me for the hours on the 1st through the 15th, will be my hours for the 1st through the 30th. Woo-hoo! I'm finally getting payback for having to work the first month with no pay. I have some phone calls to make, to student loan and a credit card I can put on hold, and some other fiscal restructuring/tightening type things. I'm so lucky though, really, not just because of the generous severance package, but for having a supportive partner who not only has me on her health insurance already but also is ready to have all the money talks about how we will sustain ourselves just fine. I also have tons of friends who have been through this and are going through this, and others who are offering help, which whenever I figure out what help I actually need, I'm glad to know they are there. I do kinda wish I had one more night at work to do lots of printing and copying for free, but hey, I'll live.

So, yeah. I got ideas. There are lots of possibilities for this time and change, and it seems like others have confidence in my ability to capitalize on them, possibly more so than I believe myself capable, so I'll just ignore those internal self-critic voices and trust y'all know what you're talking about. But for today, I'm just going to workout at the gym and figure out what movie to see and review, since the one I pitched/wanted isn't opening here. Oh isht, I just saw and ad that Mickey Rourke is showing up on The View today. Yeah, I might need to stick around for that.
raybear: (scream)
I woke up at 6:20 am, to the sun rising and a clear sky. A chilly, nice-feeling morning, when I took the dog into the backyard. In the past two hours, the outside has been transformed to a murky-brown overcast of pre-rain. Wait, no, as I was typing this, I stopped to look out the window and now it is officially raining. Leaving the house is going be a bit harder now.

Also, I don't understand why large companies that are making money discontinue products that are amazing. I am wearing the most perfect t-shirt in the world, except it is imperfect that I don't have more of them in various colors and sizes (I mostly wear mediums, but sometimes I want larges). I found it in the clearance bin at TJ Maxx and in my looking online, can find no more anywhere else, everyone is out of stock and its not being made anymore. It is soft and well-tailored and held up after being washed. O! Universe, why, must I bear this cross?

My Presidential Tax Refund went through right before the weekend. Ok, I am spending some of it on non-needs, like a few meals out and a $10 necklace, but most of it I'm putting into a savings account and start drawing out monthly deposits from my paycheck too. I'm finally starting one of those damn things. I've been following the pay-down-your-debt-first strategy for the past couple years, and I'm far from done with that, but I want to do both because I figure, if some emergency comes up, or even smaller cash needs like an unexpected plane ticket ot medical bill or something, I'd rather have cash to pay than have to reload the credit card balances and put myself back in the same boat. Also, its a sort of philosophical/political act for me, of going against the unsustainable ways our larger economy and microcosm economies are perpetuating. Even though I'm sometimes strapped for cash a few days before a paycheck, I can't honestly and in good conscience say I live paycheck to paycheck, since I'm sure my privilege, education and good looks, er, friends, I mean, could get me a few months time to straighten it all out; but even so, I don't always have the luxury to act in every minor way of resistance I would like to do with money. So it feels good.

Even though I still kinda want to buy some bottles of cologne from Lucky Scent, and new shoes, and new clothes, and maybe a new ipod. Hey, I'm human.

May 2010

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