raybear: (scream)
The highlight of my day so far was playing the word "tenderly" in my scrabulous game against [livejournal.com profile] mintwaster for a 50 point bonus.

Though burrowing under the covers and staring at the cloudy afternoon sky while listening to Bill Evans wasn't so bad either. Satisfyingly mournful and comforting simultaneously.

While climbing the stairs from the subway, I contemplated quitting my job. I don't know for what, so I didn't. I just had that feeling of dread about going into the office today, which isn't so surprising, after 6 days of not having to be here.

I'm still occasionally weirded out by the internet, and how you can, on a whim, google the name of a former best friend from high school and stumble upon video footage of her toddler playing on a backyard swingset. She ended up marrying this guy who I sat next to in 10th grade world history and argued politics with him all the time because he was a staunch republican. We weren't really close in the years prior to her marrying that guy, but it was sort of nail in the camel's back. They named their child "Noble", which was strange at first, but after a moment of pondering, realized it was totally par for the course.

I started reading The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers on the plane last Friday. Its hard to always find things I can read in transit, because if they require too much concentration, I will get nauseous, but if its too little concentration, I get easily distracted or bored. Also, sometimes books just need to be read at certain points in one's life and they will happen when they happen. And this one is happening. I have never read this before actually, its one of those "Yes, yes, I can hardly believe it myself" gaps in my reading self-education list. I'm nearly halfway through already, I don't think it will take me much longer to finish. Particularly if the weather stays the same. (And my direct deposit check never clears.) I am still trying to figure out "southern writing" exactly, particularly my own, since there are some key chapters in my own book that take place there and I think maybe my voice changes and I'm trying to figure it out.

I've been in a bit of another world lately. I'm still not sure if I want to shake myself out of it or not. I might actually have to go deeper in, to go through it. I think this will be okay.
raybear: (red)
I grew up in a family, in a place, where it was a viable outing to get in the car and drive around and look at xmas light displays. Now I have the pleasure of walking around and doing the same. There is one house in my neighborhood that is extravagant in its display, and I'm not speaking in hyperbole here -- on any given night, families and couples are lined up on the sidewalk staring, pointing, taking pictures, before getting back into their car and driving to the other parts of town where they live. Tonight I walked by when I was out getting air, and I noticed they added a light-up ferris wheel that has dolls and stuffed animals going for a ride that last hours and hours and hours. It seems mean to have them permanently stuck on the ride. I guess no worse that imaginary angels permanently posed with trumpets on the roof.

I have a string of lights in my office. They are multi-colored and strewn loosely against the shape of the window frame, and many an evening I can be found stretched out on the couch staring at them, listening to Betty Carter or Lester Young or Joe Henderson or Mahler. (Lately I listen more to music without words.) They look beautiful against my red walls, my heart just relaxes and warms while I lie there and daydream or eveningdream or whatever. It is just like in my house where I grew up and I would sit every night alone in the living room and stare at the christmas tree lit up and decorated. I hated having to turn it off at night, I wanted to leave it on all day and night. I would try to go to upstairs to bed before my mother so I wouldn't have to be the one to flip the switch. I still find myself inclined to leave these office lights on all the time, but DYA usually unplugs them after brushing her teeth.

We have another string of white lights in the living room, the more tasteful version of holiday lights I suppose, and we have an agreement that they can stay up through the winter because of the lack of sunshine and daylight savings. I reluctantly agreed. As much as I adore them for the 6-plus weeks of the holidays, after a certain day in January, I think they should be removed. A sign of forgotten tasks on to-do lists, of holding on too long to hopes and expectations, of not appreciating certain joys only happening occasionally, of laziness and impropriety. But also, they become gauche -- reminiscent of decorations in college dorm rooms. The problem is, as dim lighting solutions for dark winter days, I can't deny that they are highly useful. (Hence me agreeing to leaving them up well past the twelve days of xmas.) I should investigate perhaps a more permanent version of this lighting solution that doesn't come on green strands that I staple-gun into the wall.

May 2010

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16 171819202122
23242526272829
3031     

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Dec. 31st, 2025 10:17 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios