"Not just any cock will do"

That was my favorite line from yesterday evening. I went out for a drink with my friend Dan, who i went to school with, and we just reconnected not too long ago (even though we both live in Chicago...). He was one of my favorite people at school and in BGALA, so I'm glad he's back in my life. So anyway, we met Melanie's apt (soon to be my apt...), played some catch up (e.g. he didn't know I was moving in with her), and then went to Cocktail and met my friend Meg and her gf. I had a good time chatting with them -- it was all really laid back and cool, and I miss talking to Meg, so I want to get back in the habit of seeing her on a more regular basis, even if it's only once every two weeks. They left around 11, and Dan & I stayed around a little longer chatting. I told him about the whole Reader ad, wanting to hook up with a boy, trying to find one, not sure if I REALLY wanted to, etc. etc. And he cracked me up, because he got all serious and had this whole "Ok, here's the deal..." sort of tone in his voice, and said that he thinks that even though I have this fantasy/desire for a random counter, that when it really came down to it, not just any cock will do. That I've be surprisingly picky and have high standards because that's the person I am. And I think he's about 80% true in his assessment. I think even in my fantasy life if I think about some weird/not typically attractive/sleazy guy and fucking him, the reason it's hot is because it's my fantasy and I make it hot and I want it. But in real life, I can't just pretend chemsitry isn't there. And this is related to why I called of the date tonight -- I didn't feel like I was in a position of power. I thought I'd be ok with sleeping with someone who has a tranny fetish because I'm just sleeping with them because I have a cock fetish. But in the end, I don't feel 100% enough in my body to be secure in that transaction, so to speak.

( There's always more... )

Dreamsome

(written by Shelby Lynne, Dorothy Overstreet and Jay Joyce)

In the dark I can hear you whisper
shadows still, move across the distance
What did you say, it's okay
Did you miss me
Did you miss me
Make it mine, takin' time, forgotten
speak for me, silent plea, surrender
What did you say, it's okay
Did you miss me
Did you miss me
You know at times I wondered
if you ever thought of me
and I wondered if you wanted to be free
like me, and I needed to feel you and
I wondered did you miss me baby, oh yeah
Turn to gray, bluer shade, when the sun comes
Peaceful time, cease your mind, Dreamsome
What did you say, it's okay, oh baby
Did you miss me
Did you miss me
Did you miss me
Did you miss me

No internet!

So I spent the ENTIRE afternoon at work (from noon to 5) with no web access because we were having rolling blackouts of our WAN or something. damn. I was having major withdrawal, let me tell you. But now I'm at the bookstore and I have time for a quickie.

I had lunch with Auntie J___ which was nice, and we discussed our mutual friend. But in a good way, not in a bad way, of course. Then Melanie called this afternoon because she's not sure if she'll be able to call this weekend but she's going to try and I'm going to not expect anything, so it's all good. Ha. Remind me to buy some kava kava too. But can't tell that to her -- bad association.

anyway, not much else has transpired despite me being offline for almost 6 hours. Though I did just read Rid's post about packers, and thought I would share. I first bought the small from Grand Opening and it too was on back order so I bought the medium from Good Vibes (where it's actually cheaper). I used to wear my medium packer for the boys, who are indeed size queens (and believe me, this medium dick is fucking huge. crazy huge. crazy like a fox. uh, yeah. anyway....) and I'd wear my small packer for the grrls, since I tend to not date female size queens. Nowadays I've become QUITE attached (so to speak) to the tricky. It's basically a mini packer but a different shape (quasi-erect). So anyway, yeah, I have like half a dozen cocks. Well, actually 5. Three for packing, two for....ironing. Or whatever. Wait, I DO have 6 cocks, but one of the play cocks has been tainted. Don't you hate it when associations get formed with sex toys and then they're ruined after a break up??

Ok, off to work. My friend Co___ looks all lonely up at the front counter.