A big bust. But not in a good way.

So the first post will be a rundown of the weekend activities. The second post with be the overly dramatic emotional one. You have been warned.

Friday evening. Dinner at Giordano's with Damon, Meg, B&S, and Sam who as in town from Denver. Then Damon, B&S and I rented the first 4 episodes of Sex & the City.
Saturday to Sunday to now: Washed dishes and did some clean up as well as lazing around in the morning. Meg and Damon came over in afternoon and we had a good laidback time playing Crazy Taxi 2 and watching music videos. The guy called at 4 pm after he got home from work. We planned to meet for coffee in Evanston, but he had to shower and make a phone first, so he said he call me back.
6:15 pm. I'm ready to go. I call him and get his machine. Meg and Damon are still hanging out.
7:30 pm. Meg leaves. Damon stays and we decide to watch The Perfect Storm on HBO (mildly entertaining, but I would never spend any amount of money on it).
8:30 pm. I call the guy again, get his machine, tell him that I suspect he fell asleep or changed his mind.
10:00 pm. Damon and I decide to eat breakfast for dinner. The guy calls. He apologizes profusely for falling asleep. He had to be at work before dawn. We reschedule coffee for Sunday.
1 am. Damon stays on my couch. I fall asleep.
7 am. After neither one of us having a particularly restful night (I have anxiety dreams about Melanie), he heads home. I never fall back asleep. I watch bad VH1 and porn.
10 am. I call the guy and leave a message confirming the coffee date, tell him what shirt I'm wearing so he'll recognize me.
11 am. Meet Sam for brunch before he leaves for Denver. We walk around the neighborhood for awhile, then I show him the new place.
1 pm. St____ and I play some video games, Damon comes over. We head over to J___'s to grill out and hang out.
2-4 pm. We sit out on J___'s massive porch, eat hamburgers and drink cheap beer out of a can.
4 pm. St____ drops me off at the red line, I head up to Evanston
4:55 pm. I arrive for the coffee date. I get a cup, a paper, and a table. I sit.
5:30 pm. I go to the pay phone and check my messages.
5:45 pm. I check my message again, then call Damon to tell him I'm heading home.
6:30 pm. Arrive at home. Have a shot of whiskey. Try not to lose it. I call several friends and leave messages.
8:00 pm. Watch Sex and the City.
8:40 pm. Melanie calls. We get to talk for an hour, which is great. She tells me the details of her hookup, and I don't feel so good about it.
9:50 pm. Hang up with Melanie. Feel great after talking and that things are prettt resolved. Call Damon and we talk for about an hour and a half. I feel even better.
11:30 pm to 1 am. Try unsuccessfully to sleep. Know I'm grinding my teeth, but mouth guard is making me gag. Take 2 melatonin tablets.
6:45 am. Wake up. Never really go back to sleep. Get up and head to work, arriving before 8:30 am.

Which brings me to right here. Wrote an e-mail to Melanie explaining a bit more about my feelings and anxieties.

In four days I'll be on a plane on my way to see her. And yet I feel more anxious and upset now than I have in the past couple weeks combined. But more on that in a minute.

(no subject)

So my anxiety isn't exactly because she fooled around with this woman. ( this sucks. )

one more a.m. post

oh, I finally head back from my mom after I e-mailed them about moving in with Melanie. Here's the total response:

"Morning..........sounds like you're having a busy summer, with big changes in store, a new apartment and sharing it with Melanie......where is the new
place? Guess it's nice for you not to have to move in a hurry all at once."

She wrote me about other stuff, too, but for some reason this simlutaneously cracked me up, made me feel relieved, and made me mad. The biggest thing was that she actually wrote the word Melanie. It feels significant for some reason.

after all...

after churning out 3 lj entries, an e-mail, a follow-up e-card, and numerous random rants, I feel miraculously better. ok, that's an exaggeration. I feel human, I guess. versus sub-human. Or just completely un-human and a big ball of frenetic energy.

And maybe I can actually get some work done cite-checking despite having to answer the phone all morning.

But I should still go to the herbal store at lunch.

Or maybe I'm just becoming manic. Hmm. Let's go with hopeful instead.