If you see me in drag, mama's getting paid.

So here's the completely quasi-scientific data anaylsis of my poll yesterday.

Question #1. Smoking.
Nearly half the folks who took it aren't smokers -- they're either never had one, or haven't had one in a couple years. Good for you. The rest of us will be outside on the porch where we were banished, planning your demise. But don't worry -- you can just run away. We won't be able to catch you with our lungs.

Question #2. Sex.
No one was answering the poll directly after sex. But almost half the pollers have had sex in the past couple days or less. Another large number hadn't had sex in about a month -- and I think within that category were several long-distance relationship people. Of all the couples who took the poll, no couple had different answers, so no drama there. SOME people skipped this question. I'd like to direct them to the folks who were completely unafraid to answer "a couple years ago" or "never". There's no shame in your game. Besides, I explicitly left out masturbation. If I had enough toys and supplies, I could easily go years with only having sex with myself. Assuming I got occasional hugs and snuggles from others to supplement.

Questions #3 and #4. Coffee and Beer.
I have an untested hypothesis that the ability to enjoy the taste of coffee and of beer are linked. So most folks either like both or hate both. So far the data supports this idea -- the ratio of folks who like both or neither to those who only like one separately is 2:1. AND over half of the folks who only chose one beverage either do not appear to like the taste of the drinks they consume -- they just like the effects. Conclusion? I should have had more nuanced questions. Then I'd have even more revealing quasi-scientific data. But anecdotally speaking, this poll supports my hypothesis.

Question #5. Money.
Most of the folks who took the poll seem to be in similar money "classes". No one selected the 5- or 6-digit answer, so I guess I can't find a patron this way. I should try another trick....

Question #6. Spirtuality.
The results lean towards folks having more opposite beliefs now then they did as a kid. I was pretty shocked by the number of folks who consider their beliefs exactly the same. Haven't y'all read any books since then?? Come on now!
(only kidding folks)

Question #7. Leaving my job.
Okay, I engaged in some trickery with this question, fairly unintentionally. NO one checked the box for leaving in 18 months. And I bet no one would have checked the box for 2 years either. However, that's how long it will be until MelRo's leaves law school -- more than 2 years. There's no freaking way I can stay at this job that long. Of course, making that statement just doomed me to immobilization and I will be unable to quit until 2004. Thanks for that.
Anyway, I'm assuming most folks were instead expressing their belief that I should quit my job when MelRo finishes law school so we can ride off into the sunset together after graduation, which is an oh-so-pleasant idea. But as MelRo herself said on the phone "hey, leave me out of this!" I hope against all hope that I'll leave way before her graduation. I didn't realize I was being tricky -- I was just putting the answers in order of shortest to longest. That's my fault, so all results from that question must be purged. But I am heartened by the number of folks who have faith in my ability to jet in 6 months. Except Myles. I suspect he just wants to have my job, which is why he wants me to leave.

Question # 8. Purpose.
I intentionally worded it this way, just to see how folks would interpret the question -- will they give details on their own particular goals and purposes, or will they address humans' larger purpose in general? About a third listed specific goals to themselves. About 1/5 of the people answered this question facetiously. Which I can hardly blame them, since it's a hard question and you're probably sitting at work and don't have time to school me on your personal philosophy, if you even have one. But I also really appreciate the folks who made the effort to say something real and not just be clever in the face of potential earnestness -- and I'm even impressed that this was the majority of the answers. I guess I was expecting a page of smart-asses, so I was pleasantly suprised. I also appreciated those folks whose answer wasn't pretty and happy with ponies and rainbows and clouds.

Conclusion
I am a geek.

In other news, it's Friday and I'm going to Sparky's movienight tonight and there's a massive LJ brunch tomorrow at Nookie's involving approximately 6 LJers and one person who gets mentioned in an LJ occasionally. I will not have a date for the event, but that's okay. It's not necessarily a date-y type activity anyway.

Perhaps work is calling. Perhaps I'll answer. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.

courtesy of the Kansas Supreme Court

Finally, we recognize that J'Noel has traveled a long and difficult road. J'Noel has undergone electrolysis, thermolysis, tracheal shave, hormone injections, extensive counseling, and reassignment surgery. Unfortunately, after all that, J'Noel remains a transsexual, and a male for purposes of marriage under K.S.A. 2001 Supp. 23- 101. We are not blind to the stress and pain experienced by one who is born a male but perceives oneself as a female. We recognize that there are people who do not fit neatly into the commonly recognized category of male or female, and to many life becomes an ordeal. However, the validity of J'Noel's marriage to Marshall is a question of public policy to be addressed by the legislature and not by this court.

Fuck you. Don't fcking apologize -- I'd rather you just fcking hated me.

I feel some sort of Judge Judyism statement is appropriate for the Justice Allegrucci. Like, "don't piss on my head and call it baptism". Or even, "don't stab me in the chest and call it open-heart surgery."

dear america. i'm what you've made me.

So I had to buy lunch today and I had to get money, and I hadn't been to the cash station in awhile -- more than a week. And in that time, things went to hell. Basically my rent check got cashed earlier than usual (I REALLY need to stop assuming it will be cashed after the 15th, because they're been depositing it closer to the 10th these days), so a couple small checks got bounced. Then my therapist deposited my check a day early, when I asked her to wait until the 13th (and she agreed). So that check bounced, too. I ended up with over 100 dollars in fees. I was so mad at myself and fumed for several blocks in search of cheap food. After getting something at Subway, I came back to the office and called the bank. And I told a great story involving a check I mailed to get deposited last week that got returned to me in the mail. The woman removed two of the charges (the maximum she's allowed, which I knew from an incident involving a late paycheck from the bookstore a couple years ago), but she was really nice and offered to transfer me to a supervisor who could possibly take off more charges. I didn't have to do any demanding or anything. So the supervisor had me tell the story again, and she did a "one-time courtesy removal" of two more late charges. In the end, I'm paying one fee instead of five fees.

Should I feel strange about my lie? No. I don't really. My bank makes so much money off overdrawn fees. And about 90% of the time it's my stupidity in timing deposits, so the money is there, just a day or two after. I've never had a negative balance for more than 48 hours or so. And $28 seems excessive, especially when some of the checks were for amounts LESS than that. I think what I feel strange about is my ability to lie so naturally and effortlessly and to get something out of it. I feel guilty about deceiving them and taking advantage of their willingness to aid someone who's been a victim of a "mixup by the post office". But part of me feels I earned that money back with my brilliant academy award winning performance. And there have been other times earlier in my financial history when something like this did happen (a payment lost in the mail) and I just paid the fee because I didn't think you could really fight to get them back. I've been taught to be so intimidated by finanical institutions, and whatever they say goes. I even felt that some with Telecheck. I almost started to believe I DID owe them money, which is completely ridiculous since checks were stolen and my identity was faked!

I also feel the bank owes me because I sucked up every damn late fee last summer when I operated for 3 months nearly in the red, so now I want some slack cut. A hundred dollars doesn't mean shit to the daily monetary intake of at Bank One, but I can make that go a long way in my daily life.

I will, I will, I will be more fiscally responsible. I will, I will, I will. I will make this happen. I will pay off my debt and save money. I AM doing it. I will continue doing it.

At least you know you were beaten by a pro. I know just how you feel.

Praise jeebus, is he writing again?
Well, someone's got to hold it down for friday afternoon because no one else fcking does.

Anyway, I forgot to mention that I'm growing out my sideburns again. Sort of. It started as an experiement of how much hair I'd have on my face after a specific amount of time. Wait, no, it started as lazyness in shaving. THEN it became an experiment. Then I was lazy again even though I knew I looked scruffy and bad. Then yesterday I shaved in honor of dinner with Myles's family (not that they'd really care, but it was a convenient excuse) and I decided to leave some sideburns. I like how they look from the front -- elongating my face and such. But looking at them from profile, well...they're a little sparse. Not as sparse as they were a year ago or so when I first grew them out. But then again, it's only been 2 weeks. So I will give it a bit more time. I'm also planning on cutting off lots of hair this weekend with the clippers, so that might help -- having the hair on my head being the same denseness of the hair on my face.

I have a little test in my head for facial hair adequacy -- it has to look decent (i.e. noticeable) in the bathroom mirror without my glasses, and it has to also be noticeable in glass window reflections. Yes, that may seem odd, but it works. When I first attempted a goatee it was way too early in the process. I notice the small patch under my chin when I got out of the shower, but when I caught my reflection in car, I couldn't see anything. My face ends up just looking sorta dirty. Which means shave.

So now I'm in a tad of a quandry, because my current sideburns pass both of my tests, but just barely. That's the update for now. We'll see how things progress in another two weeks and they've possibly filled in some.