I'm going for a drink at the bar under my bedside table.

The day began okay, but now I'm cranky as all get out. Little things aren't helping -- like the inability to access certain websites I'm addicted to or getting myself prepared for a meeting with the boss only to get pre-empted by a conference call. And my co-workers are annoying the fck out of me too -- I really wish I had a door to shut at times like this. Of course one of them also asked "what are you doing for lunch today?" to which I answered "I brought food from home." They didn't ask if I wanted to eat with them, even though I know that's what they were intending -- but I'm a firm believer in asking the correct questions in order to receive the information you want. Of course, I'm only prolonging the agony, because I'm sure in an hour they'll come back and ask me more explicitly if I want to have lunch with them, and I will say no. I want to be alone and away from the annoying people for one hour of my life, especially since this afternoon I will have two and half hours of talking to annoying strangers via phone.

I can't believe it's only Thursday. When will this tortuous week end? Soon I will go hide in the restroom for 5-10 minutes to regroup. At least I can shut the door and have privacy.

I loved my room as a kid and often voluntarily sent myself there when I was feeling upset or cranky. I preferred to cry or seethe in peace so I could be dramatic and violent without fear of retribution or exposure. Though sometimes I hated that I could only be mad for a limited time period -- I would usually get bored and start reading a book. Then I'd try and induce tears a second time, because I wanted to show my parents how truly wounded I was. Unfortuntely, they NEVER followed the script revisions I gave them and never came upstairs to check on me. I'd wander downstairs to the family room and give up my campaign so I could watch TV.

I used to think they were too clever for me, knowing to just wait the situation out and I would give up without much grief. Looking back, I actually think they rarely noticed. Completely imperceptive to nuances and emotions that go beyond what's actually being said. I'm not sure from where I got my obsession for detail and reading facial expressions and tones of voice. It certainly wasn't them.

how do you keep the music playing?

I'm currently receiving advice on maintaining a long-term relationship in the form of lyrics to How Do You Keep the Music Playing? Almost as good as the tips shared in the song One Hundred Ways which talks about ways to show your woman you love her. I'm only allowed to make fun of these songs because I know every word and love them completely unironically. I'm not necessarily into loving something just because it kitchsy or cheesey -- I often genuinely love the isht.

I feel significantly less cranky than earlier. I'm extremely close to get my vacation time fully approved and I finally had the meeting with the boss. No big deal -- we're just trying to have weekly check-in's for about 15 minutes, but even after 2 1/2 years and fuinally becoming comfortable with interacting with her, I still get slightly intimidated by one-on-one private conversations. I guess if we keep on schedule of doing it every week, I should break this final habit pretty quickly.

Between the onset of spring and my most recent hormone adjustment (going back on a split full dose a couple months ago), my libido is through the fcking roof. I mean, I possess the ability to still fully function without giving into the desire to have sex every time the urge strikes, but it's sort of unbalancing to constantly be caught off-guard by this persistant almost-nagging feeling. I'm extremely grateful that my life partner/roommate is not threatened (and probably amused) by my proclivity for self-satisfaction -- otherwise periods like these could be problematic.

( technical tranny stuff )