That's ill. But not in an illmatic sort of way.

My co-worker is still home with her back problems, which forced me to come into work even though I'm feeling craptastic. I'm so spoiled. Back in the days of "no paid time off", I'd work sick all the time since I needed money. Nowadays I get 12 sick days a year, plus vacation time, and I use them fairly liberally, never coming into the office if I'm feeling the slightest bit contagious or under the weather. Today I trooped in, trying to maintain a balance of "good spirits" so that the day won't drag while also being a little pitiful so I can get a few get-out-of-jail free points as well as appearing somewhat heroic.

And guess what? My other co-worker just called in sick. She's never sick just one day -- it's always at least two or three. Which never annoys me, seeing as she has chronic illness problems and manages to come in even when she's not feeling 100%. So when she calls in, I trust that she's really fcked up. Or at least the world's best actor (not bloody likely). My other co-worker is more of a crying wolf type of calling-in employee -- or at least the world's worst actor (possibly both). I'd like to think I'm somewhere in the middle. I never actually fake it....though obviously sometimes I'm more sick than others. But even if I'm hacking up blood, I'd still feel twinges of guilt when I dial the number and leave a message in my boss's voicemail.

I was thoroughly unimpressed with American Idol last night. And I hit the pillow by 9:45 (yet still felt tired at 7 am when the alarm went off). I want to sleep and sleep and sleep.

I don't know why you say goodbye when I say hello.

Recently on endogenousardor's journal, there was a discussion about the addition and dropping of friends and the (non/)politics within. We discussed the possibility of an exit interview, just because we're extremely curious as to what exactly made a person leave.

I used to be effronted, offended, and personally injured when I got dropped. I admit it. I admit that I would get angry and feel left out, would feel defensive about my behavior and my personality traits, would feel desperate in my need to explain whatever I wrote that they obviously misinterpreted and they should really come back and love love love me.

I would be lying if I said that today I still don't notice every addition and subtraction to my friends list. But I don't get nearly as bothered.

If I got dropped, I sometimes would keep this person on my friends list anyway, with the hopes they would change their mind or that it was an accident. Or to perhaps show I was a "better person", though I'm not sure how to explain that one. But since I do occasionally make friends-only posts, I decided it's better to drop them back -- since they're no longer interested in the dirty details of my life I won't subject them to the extra privileges.

I sometimes feel bad if someone adds me and I decide not to add them back -- but it's often a time issue. I like being fairly involved in people's journals, rather than skimming every other post which just seems like a waste or other people's guts-spilling. And if we have very little in common and I don't jive with your journal style, I don't want to add someone purely out of guilt.

I don't like being caught in the livejournal feedback group. I'm thrilled that I've had such fabulous experiences with even a dozen people and I don't want to feel like I'm running some sort of popularity contest with myself. I'm supposed to be here to write, and write what I'm thinking and feeling and saying and not crafting entries for public consumption (i.e. being a 'comment whore'). And nothing in this realm can be taken personally because no one knows the 100% me anymore than I know the 100% them. So not liking someone's journal doesn't mean I don't like them -- but even if they don't like me, who cares? Well, I do, but I'm working on not having it effect me as much.

So I will now follow in the footsteps of others and just bid hellos and adieu to all that join and leave the Raybear Game:

Salutations to the more recent additions, including miralouise, katemosey, ladisastre, riotdrake, and zenchump.

A fond farewell to recent departures, including hollyberry79 and griffen.[Also, I recently dropped several people who hadn't updated their journals in months and months and months, but I can't remember all of them -- should you return to LJ-land I would gladly enjoy catching up on your exploits.]

And from now on, anyone should feel free to join or leave at any time -- now's your chance to drop me with no hard feelings. Tired of skimming past so many of my posts? Quick, click on that "Your Friends" link under Your Settings!