![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Last night I woke up again at 1:50 am. Second night in a row. Though at least this time I wasn't jolted awake by a dream character commanding me to 'wake up!', and instead it was more of a gentle waking where I felt nearly well-rested so I rolled over to look at the clock and see if it was near time to get up. Nope, I'd only just taken a two hour nap. Technically it wasn't 1:50 am since the alarm clock runs fifteen minutes fast. But I'm still a little spooked.
Yesterday after work I ignored the "should's" in my head and went with Damon to the gaming store so he could buy the new Zelda game. I decided what I really should do is hang out with my best friend because I haven't had much time with him lately. Afterwards we swung by Horizons then walked back to my place for a beverage, some dinner, and Buffy. For dessert we watched Sifl&Olly. Oh my. Oh my. It's good to laugh. Why the hell are those sock puppets so fcking funny? I should stop talking about it here because when I subject other people to it later, they'll just think I'm crazy. I did feel validated that Damon was cracking up and even MelRo too, from the other room when she randomly heard bits and pieces.
I feel a little shell-shocked lately. My mind very quickly and quietly slips into alternate universes where there's not much going on. I find myself counting stones on bridges I'm riding over, or naming colors on the shirts of people on the train, or even some other strange imaginary games or thought patterns and as soon as I get jolted awake, either by myself or by someone asking "are you okay?", I immediately forget everything I was just thinking. My mind is suddenly a total and absolute blank.
I should take this opportunity to meditate with such a clean slate. Though of course I'm sure once I sit and close my eyes, intentionally clearing my mind, all sort of drawers will fly open and files will spill everywhere. Even last night when my back and shoulders were being rubbed, I was experiencing the phenomenon of body-stored memories being released. Nothing traumatic or anything, but one knot had random memories of New York City, not even all from the same trip, and another had memories of just last month, though not anything expressly significant: I was just suddenly standing in a convenience store selecting a Vitamin!Water. There was a lot more, but I was trying to release them along with the muscle tension. Sitting by the river, watching them pass by like leaves floating with the current.
I know why it's happening, I think. I'm no longer pushing and shoving forward, possesed by a spirit of overwhelming anxiety and desire. This is a good thing. I mean, don't get me wrong -- I'm still future-tripping with the best of them. But there was definitely an element of running away in my freight train of emotions, and not even just the bad stuff. And now things are catching up. I'm so late sometimes. But I feel right on my own time.
( stressbusters for Cancers )
Yesterday after work I ignored the "should's" in my head and went with Damon to the gaming store so he could buy the new Zelda game. I decided what I really should do is hang out with my best friend because I haven't had much time with him lately. Afterwards we swung by Horizons then walked back to my place for a beverage, some dinner, and Buffy. For dessert we watched Sifl&Olly. Oh my. Oh my. It's good to laugh. Why the hell are those sock puppets so fcking funny? I should stop talking about it here because when I subject other people to it later, they'll just think I'm crazy. I did feel validated that Damon was cracking up and even MelRo too, from the other room when she randomly heard bits and pieces.
I feel a little shell-shocked lately. My mind very quickly and quietly slips into alternate universes where there's not much going on. I find myself counting stones on bridges I'm riding over, or naming colors on the shirts of people on the train, or even some other strange imaginary games or thought patterns and as soon as I get jolted awake, either by myself or by someone asking "are you okay?", I immediately forget everything I was just thinking. My mind is suddenly a total and absolute blank.
I should take this opportunity to meditate with such a clean slate. Though of course I'm sure once I sit and close my eyes, intentionally clearing my mind, all sort of drawers will fly open and files will spill everywhere. Even last night when my back and shoulders were being rubbed, I was experiencing the phenomenon of body-stored memories being released. Nothing traumatic or anything, but one knot had random memories of New York City, not even all from the same trip, and another had memories of just last month, though not anything expressly significant: I was just suddenly standing in a convenience store selecting a Vitamin!Water. There was a lot more, but I was trying to release them along with the muscle tension. Sitting by the river, watching them pass by like leaves floating with the current.
I know why it's happening, I think. I'm no longer pushing and shoving forward, possesed by a spirit of overwhelming anxiety and desire. This is a good thing. I mean, don't get me wrong -- I'm still future-tripping with the best of them. But there was definitely an element of running away in my freight train of emotions, and not even just the bad stuff. And now things are catching up. I'm so late sometimes. But I feel right on my own time.
( stressbusters for Cancers )
