Leave that crack alone.

This morning while standing in the shower in the midst of an argument, my brain just stopped and all I could think was "AARRRRGH!! Full moon in Pisces with Mercury retrograde!!! ARRRRGHH! I'm not going to make it!!" It helps if you imagine the 'arghs' in a Kelis "I hate you so much right now" voice. So it basically felt like I was stuck in this thick suffocating bubble trying to talk my way out of it to people on the outside who spoke a completely different language and I just kept trying new words out hoping it would magically work. And it didn't, I just got more trapped. Then I finally was just like stop, stop, stop, get me off this crazy train, cut this scene, let's sit down and try this again.

Part of the problem is that Lowenstein can go to bed angry and upset and wake up feeling great. I have a difficult time falling asleep when emotions are churning (good or bad) and when I wake up, I have a hangover. (We weren't even mad at each other, it was more angry at things outside of us, like cops and nocturnal animals and not being able to shut things out to fall asleep.) I just wasn't ready to be okay this morning, I needed to be upset a little longer while taking a shower and having coffee, and then I slowly wake up and gain perspective. The moon moves slower than lightning. And since I'm usually the first one up, I have the alone time to recenter and I didn't have that today, she was up-and-at-'em seconds after I was. But you know, lesson learned and all that. And what's that saying about hindsight? Oh yeah, it's the bearer of bad news.

I swear it was made so much worse because of the astrological forecast. I mean, normally I'm able to be both: emotionally overwhelmed irrationality sitting next objective perspective. But I was too tired first this morning to do anything but feel wounded. Now I just feel sort of drugged, since everything got straightened out and we had a nice breakfast but now I'm just plain physically exhausted.

Before everything went to hell last night, I had a great evening having dinner with my New York co-worker who's a fellow pop culture and music geek, but we had lots of conversations about astrology and me telling crazy stories about my so-called dating life.

I walked into the office and it was completely empty. It was 9:30. I hate that, it's so eerie when everyone calls in late on the same day. Me, I don't call in. I just show up late.

Seeing you, or seeing anything as much as I do you, I take for granted that you're always there

I have a confession. I've been wanting to buy a best-of album of Todd Rundgren's for over a year, but I never do because everytime I pick it up and see the title "Bang the Drum All Day" my stomach turns and I put it down. Yes, I can madly love "I Saw the Light" with nothing but genuine affection, but the drum-banging song gets on my last faggoty nerve. Even if I probably would prefer banging on a drum all day to working.

Today instead of buying someone lunch, I plunked down the seven dollars and bought Rhino's "Very Best Of" collection. See, it was a tough choice between deciding if I need "Essential" or "Very Best". But the latter had some Utopia songs as well as the Bobby Womack duet, which I took as a good sign.

At this time I will not divulge how many times I've listened to "Hello Its Me" this afternoon. It's soothing the savage beast inside of me, known as pure exhaustion. All day I've felt my eyelids get heavy and my brain seems ready to start REM sleep at the drop of an asshat. Of course now that it's 3:30, the time on a normal day that I get drowsy, I'm starting to perk up a bit.

Usually not having cigarettes is a pretty good way to keep me from smoking. Today I have two nearly full packs, but no lighter. And this is working pretty well on the abstaining front too. Who knew?

I really want to go to the movies.