Call for submissions.

1. Any folks out there with a Mac who'd like to help me out with Microsoft Word (I have OS X)? I don't have $200 bucks to buy the real deal, but I have other ways of exchanging goods or favors.

2. Our new kitchen has been the location of some roach sightings -- just those little small ones that seem to be more prominent in Chicago. I'm not completely opposed to high power chemical poisons or those little black disks you stick on the counters, but since there's a dog and a cat in the household, I do worry about them getting sick. Anyone know about non-crazy chemical solutions that work? For some reason I remember reading about using borax, but that might have been for ants, and am I supposed to just sprinkle it all over the kitchen since I haven't found a source or hideout for the bugs yet? No thanks. Also, any experience with those high-frequency noise makers that are supposed to drive off bugs? Do they actually work and what brand and is it going to hurt the animals ears too?


I didn't like waking up to the news about Johnny Cash and John Ritter. But other than that, it's been a good morning.

I'm wearing new underwear in case I eat the queen.

My sugar daddy Roberto bought me lunch today unexpectedly from the grand cuisine restaurant Panda Express. It tastes better when at a shopping mall, but it's still pretty tasty in the realm of fast food for a Friday afternoon. Not that I needed more in my system after eating dinner last night at 10:45 pm that consisted of a double-stack and frosty from Wendy's. I almost capitalized those food items then hated myself for it.

Yesterday I was my mother and cut out a comic strip from the newspaper to hang up in my cubicle. I stuck it underneath the sheet of accounting codes and next to the strawberry hat that got left behind from the kids' event our office held. If you come visit me at work, I'll try it on for you. Anyway, the comic strip is "One Big Happy" which, again, is my mother, because she always talked about about how the kid in the comic was just like me as a kid. I just referred to my mother in the past tense. I'll just keep going and not spend too much time on that, thank you Dr. Freud.

( if for some reason you're dying of curiosity about what inspired this moment of fuf, click here )

I just got an e-mail inviting me to the gay and lesbian alumni homecoming event. On this committee is someone who graduated the same year I did, and the name doesn't look familiar at all. Why does this make me irritated? Maybe because I was okay with having my name in the student paper once a month when they needed a gay quote and was therefore outed on a regular basis. I shouldn't be such a bitter queen. Who knows, maybe I'll actually go this year -- it's the only alumni event they've done all year that didn't cost a boatload. I know I went to this ritzy snobby private university, but guess what? I'm still broke.

I can't use the phone because I'm waiting for a call. I guess this means I can't leave the office to walk around either. I guess I could go back to being productive at work but that doesn't seem like much fun. I guess I'll just continue to maniacally refresh my e-mail and friends pages even though I know Friday afternoon is always a dead zone of entertainment in that realm. Maybe I'll also start brainstorming tasks for the Hearts game tonight. Luckily playing cards with sexy friends and partners is free. Maybe that saying about the best things in life is true.

He says, while wishing he went to the H&M opening on Michigan Avenue during lunch.

Tonight I'll be your naughty girl.

Recent random realizations about myself; or, at least, things I've been thinking lately.

1. When talking, I often start sentences with "Actually...." I don't know where this came from or if I like it. Most anything I overuse is inherently a bad habit in some way. Somehow it seems presumptuous, like starting a sentence with "more importantly...."

2. I was definitely married in a recent past life. To a woman. Okay, statistically this isn't that astounding of a statement, because, assuming one believes in past-lives, there are probably more people in the world married than not. But there's not a neat way to describe these recent flashes I've had that go beyond deja vu and have such specific sensations, so we'll just leave it at that for now.

3. I really don't like talking on the phone at work. I get distracted and agitated for no apparent reason. No matter who it is, really, work-related or not, though I do better with some people than others and I definitely do better if I know it will be a short call with a specific goal. So if I've ever acted weird on the phone when you've talked to me for more than 30 seconds, I can't exactly explain why, but I can say it's nothing personal. I can't believe I used to work the help desk once a week. Of course, maybe being out of the habit of using the phone at work has contributed to the problem.

4. I have a problem keeping stupid workplace drama to myself. The more lame and inane and incompetent the actions of the person, the more I feel compelled to share it. Not a very healthy or accepting attitude, I know. Though nowadays if I just let myself tell one person, I stop obsessing about it. Which I finally did to NextDoor Coworker and now I don't need to write about it here. But you know, three guesses as to who it involved and the first two don't count. And man, I know this karma will bite me back in the ass someday.

5. I can't remember the fifth. Maybe it had something to do with my diminishing memory capacity.