Livejournal business, not really related to my life

I'm having one of those hours, days, weeks where I'm feeling very vulnerable about my writing in my journal. In these moments, I get tempted to elminate over half of my friends list because I'm feeling rather protective. So rather than make some ego-driven poll that asks "do you read/like my journal?" I will just say that if you would like to drop me without fear of hurting my feelings, go ahead and do it now.

Also, several people have added me to their friends pages in the past week or two and I just haven't made the time to look at their journal and check them out, so apologies if I seem rude or something, but also feel free to introduce yourself.

And everybody needs somebody to love before it's too late....

I'm experiencing this strange feeling about tonight...something along the lines of excitement. Shocking. Usually I have this feeling of dread before the gig, which is a mix of nervousness as well as knowing it will be a long long night after working all day then being in the booth from 9:30 pm to 3:30 pm without a real break. Don't get me wrong -- DJing as a paid gig is more fun then sitting at a desk doing paperwork as a paid gig, but it's still work. It's deceiving for me think of it as a social event since I don't really get to interact with all the fabulous people except to maybe give a hug or dance for ten seconds or exchange a snarky comment or two. I stand above and watch everyone else get their drink or groove or grope on, and I chainsmoke and watch the clock and try to keep up the energy levels so people will dance. And concentrate on not puking -- this feeling usually comes around 1:45 am when I'm exhausted and have low blood sugar and I'm smoke-filled and I know I have two more hours of spinning.

But I think after 8 consecutive months of doing this, it's sunk in and I finally realize that every time, I will survive. I will prevail. And most times I do still manage to have fun even though I'm working. Tonight I also get to see the premiere of two of dommeyourass's acts, one of which I'm particularly tintillated by, especially after the sneak preview of the catsuit last weekend, and I've intentionally not asked for any information about how it will look so I can be surprised along with the audience.

The past few months I've left the club alone in the early morning hours and didn't mind a bit -- I even liked feeling alone the last hour at the club, interacting solely with strangers. I'm not sure if I'll crave this ritual tonight or not.

I can't wait to get you home.

I can tell I'm really sleepy and overtired because I'm feeling emotionally prickly and oversensitive, prone to fits of crabbiness and jealousy and annoyance and anger. Luckily I'm going home at 5 pm for a disco nap.

limenal is here volunteering her time to help me finish with the law library updates, so I should probably go back to reading the military rape statute and not be online. Because what I'm reading for work is so much more fun, let me tell you. Great Friday afternoon material.

Grr grr grrowl.