Perfect weather for the upcoming TGIFriday.

[raybear]

Between interviewing candidates and preparing a mock help desk call, I'm too busy to write a real entry that requires brain cells. So this is where you come in. Voluntarily, of course.

Make Your Own Raybear Entry

It certainly doesn't have to be as long(-winded) as mine, but if you're feeling bored/creative/scathing/entertaining or anything else, I'd love to see your best impression of me in the comments section.

Tips:

Subject Line: Pick a song lyric that's vaguely related to the topic but with obvious attempts to be esoteric. For example, if the post if an anecdote about a bed breaking, use a rap line like "I caught you fcking my wife on my thousand dollar mattress".

Include lots of perhaps should, could be, might would, and other double verbs and made-up conditional tenses.

The more random pop culture refernences the better.

Somehow work in a clever nickname for someone, or name drop an LJer who you think is fabulous and hope they like you as much.
Ask rhetorical questions.

Spill something intensely personal that might not have any real meaning but seems self-effacing.

Or....add any other random quirks of mine you notice and love/hate!

(and don't forget those lame grammatical errors and typos that I'm too lazy to go back and change!)

Thanks for your time.

Comments

know when to fold em

[freakysparks.livejournal.com]

Last night I dj'd a gig for A-Zone. I got the crowd really moving with my reading of the entire script of Waiting for Guffman, from memory, with breaks for the instrumentals from "Pet Sounds" by the Beach Boys.

Glitter was ok, but Crossroads made like Gwyneth Paltrow in the SNL skit. Pa-pow!

*gong!*

[danielray.livejournal.com]

good title and good subject matter, but the rhythm is a little too punchy--the pop culture references should be done in a nerdy, long-winded way, maintaining the distinctive raybear cadences. note the guidelines on the use of multiple conditional tenses.

the paragraphs and the overall post should be much longer.

--daniel
self-appointed critic, since he highly doubts his ability to actually *write* a raybear imitation, largely because of my lack of musical knowledge. and, y'know, those who can't do, critique.

Re: *gong!*

[freakysparks.livejournal.com]

Maybe it was an excerpt from a longer post...?

true...

[danielray.livejournal.com]

maybe if there's some additions about his dog and about MelRo and a little bit about gender, then maybe it will be a complete post.

"that shit had me dyin', yo."

[raybear.livejournal.com]

HA!!

Y'all are fantabulous.

slime time

[freakysparks.livejournal.com]

The Sophinator woke me up this morning by almost pushing me off of the bed. I thought she was a blanket, so I tried to pull her over me to keep me warm. Sophie's response to this was to lick me on the cheek, and my real blanket, which is spun wool, never does this, so I quietly curled up on my side and went back to sleep.

I dreamed last night that MelRo took me to the dog park to play, and I was one of the small dogs which runs around and tries to hump everything, and I couldn't keep up with Sophinator and never got even one drink of water. Which reminds me of how lately, I've been attracted to the new, hot, worried-looking intern who has a more than passing resemblance to Smithers in the Simpsons episode where he is on Fire Island, because the new intern tends to wear red Hawaiian shirts and start all-male congo lines.

*ding ding ding*

[danielray.livejournal.com]

ha ha ha that's perfect!

Re: *ding ding ding*

[limenal.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was sweeeeeeet. I laughed.

Re: *ding ding ding*

[freakysparks.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I like to think I gained a better understanding of raybear from the experience (or who I think raybear is, anyway.)

um... ha ha ha ha ha!

[danielray.livejournal.com]

um, btw, it is hilarious.

A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

[clockwatcher.livejournal.com]

This morning I woke up from a dream that I worked in the Sears Tower and it had been run over by chicago gangsters claiming they had captured the Sophinator and in order to get her back I'd have to do an extensive inventory of their entire CD collection consisting of old school (I am using that word in an "ironic" sense) hip hop and R&B. Looking back on the dream now, and after I talked with my therapist about it last night, I realize that it is pulling from a number of both anxieties and desires around that situation. For example, the Sears Tower popped up for obvious reasons - showing that while I may not have been affected on a surface level by the events of yesterday I may have been affected on a deep subconcious level. Sophie missing obviously drew from those who were close to me, and the hip hop collection demonstrates my need to make these things clear that are so out of control. It's interesting how all of thse things pulled together to create such a clear picture of what's been going on with me lately.

I had Damon a quick Tarot card reading over the phone to confirm this today - just a single card draw. It came up with this -

2 of swords

I interpreted this to mean that in my life right now I'm torn between two situations: the situation of my day-to-day, stable, keeping it together world, and then my irrational anxieties, which are, okay, sometimes rational. I realize that in this case I may simply be trying to make too much sense of a situation that just might not be happening for me right now.

I had an interesting talk today with PCW (private co-worker). She's really withdrawn usually about relationship situations, but yesterday she told me she went on a date with a woman other than her partner for the first time in 3 years. I didn't really realize she was non-monogamous - and this talk with my PCW made me think of my relationship with MelRo. All I'm saying is - that's the pot calling the kettle black.

I'm about to take the subway home now. My fcking headphones ran out of batteries so I will have to endure the silence.

Re: A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

[danielray.livejournal.com]

ooh, good touches all through here.

mentioned the sophinator, a dream, and a tarot reading all in one go. included an abbreviation for a coworker's nickname, mention of nonmonogamy, therapy, and "ironic" hip hop. and, of course, anxiety. ooh, plus living in chicago. and a lyric reference within the body of the entry.

all in all, a fabulous entry.

all that's missing is a random crush on a cute intern who is not exactly traditionally handsome but quite hot in raymond's eyes.

[clockwatcher.livejournal.com]

I am glad you approve! You are so right about the random crush on the intern that looks like Dr. Phil. Maybe next entry...

that was so much fun I might make my own raybear lj!

Re: A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

[limenal.livejournal.com]

This is a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. I was going to try my hand at making a raybear but now I'm too intimidated by the competition from you and Meg.

:)

[clockwatcher.livejournal.com]

what can I say. You helped provide some of the inspiration, I must admit. :)

Re: A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

[raybear.livejournal.com]

you should try it!

Re: A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Tears fell from my eyes. Not from the beauty, but from how hard I was laughing.

bravo!!

Re: A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

[clockwatcher.livejournal.com]

;) I am glad the master approves.

J

Re: A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

[freakysparks.livejournal.com]

This was just beautiful.

Re: A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

[clockwatcher.livejournal.com]

we should get together and parody ray!

Re: A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

[freakysparks.livejournal.com]

we could definitely do some kind of shared journal parody.

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

yay! hysterical.

SuperGoat does Raybear - a day-late valliant attempt *and* first draft

[supergoat.livejournal.com]

Come back tomorrow night and try it again

Had a gig last night. Nice crowd, poor taste in music. I tried to get the floor going with P!nk but they wouldn't even respond to that. Kept requesting isht like O-Town and Nsync. Kids these days. Wouldn't know good music if they were smashed over the head with a 12".

You said you love me, but

Took Soph for a walk this morning. Say someone in the part, let's call him Hott Fag Boy with Ants in His Pants (HFBAP for short). Couldn't' tell if he was scammin on my style or just wanted to pet the pup. Fck. I'm so insecure when it comes to guys. Reminds me of this dream I had last night -- it was absurd. I was down at Jewel with MelRo shopping in the produce section and I did my best to steer clear of the cucumbers. MelRo picked up a huge cantaloupe and said that we "must have it for dinner." I kept making these crazy replies like, "Nice Melons," or "would you like some fruit with your meal." Very uncharacteristic Ray. When we went to check out, the cart was full of bread. And one melon. I asked MelRo "which side (her) bread was buttered on." She slapped me and then I woke up.

Also, I am trying to find a way to be more social without drinking. We'll see how far that goes. Hell, if not. So what? You can't handle my drinking? It's my house and isht. I invited you over. Really, I'm not an ass. I just play one on t.v.

you can't come in.

Tonight I'm spending time with Damon. Playing PS2 and watching Best in Show on DVD. I'll never tire of that movie. Actually, last time we watched it we got in a debate about the treatment of dogs by their "owners" and if they really belonged in the home. Made me wonder about The SophinatorTM, yet if we didn't have her, who would? Dogs would run amok in the street. It would be a more busted scene than the latest Eminem protest outside of the VMAs. Enough of that noise.

Re: SuperGoat does Raybear - a day-late valliant attempt *and* first draft

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Quite a good job, though I must correct you on a minor detail -- I never spell "hot" with two t's. I'm morally against it.

Bravo to you!

Re: SuperGoat does Raybear - a day-late valliant attempt *and* first draft

[supergoat.livejournal.com]

hah.

I meant to look that up (the hott thing) but I got lazy - I decided it was most definitely a "raybear post written by supergoat" - it's got a bit of my flair. :)

Re: SuperGoat does Raybear - a day-late valliant attempt *and* first draft

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

actually the song lyric as a heading, totally grocerygetter as stolen from its creator hezzamonster..

Re: SuperGoat does Raybear - a day-late valliant attempt *and* first draft

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I did song lyrics as subject lines since the beginning, and saw someone on the_passives friends list take it a step further (using song lyrics as paragraph transition headers), but felt i couldn't steal the techinique from someone I didn't know -- but I could steal from someone on my own's friends list (i.e. you) because then I could recognize and give props.