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I really need you tonight....forever's gonna start tonight.
Despite my sometimes inability to take charge of my own destiny or even the smaller parts of my life and my occasional desire for a swift kick in the pants from some life coach or drill sargent or dominatrix, I still manage to take care of myself pretty well.
But this doesn't exactly explain the control-freak aspects of my personality. The moment I have to depend on someone else I get this feeling of dread, so much so that I often just change my mind and take it back shortly after asking or requesting or delegating a task. 'Just, never mind, I'll do it, never mind.'
I often joke that when I do allow someone else to handle a task, they somehow fail me or let me down, which just reiterates my initial desire to not trust anyone else to do anything ever. But then I wonder if I bring it on myself -- I approach the dynamic with such apprehension and unclear communication that I'm setting it up to fail and reaffirm what I already know.
Though to my credit, I did at one point look up at my life and realize I was surrounded by astonishing amounts of either gross incompetency or general immaturity and selfishness. But that was many years ago. Those folks are not around. I have remarkable numbers of competent and independent and self-sufficient people in my life who are also available for occasionally lending me a hand and can be depended on for quality assistance.
Except at work.
But this doesn't exactly explain the control-freak aspects of my personality. The moment I have to depend on someone else I get this feeling of dread, so much so that I often just change my mind and take it back shortly after asking or requesting or delegating a task. 'Just, never mind, I'll do it, never mind.'
I often joke that when I do allow someone else to handle a task, they somehow fail me or let me down, which just reiterates my initial desire to not trust anyone else to do anything ever. But then I wonder if I bring it on myself -- I approach the dynamic with such apprehension and unclear communication that I'm setting it up to fail and reaffirm what I already know.
Though to my credit, I did at one point look up at my life and realize I was surrounded by astonishing amounts of either gross incompetency or general immaturity and selfishness. But that was many years ago. Those folks are not around. I have remarkable numbers of competent and independent and self-sufficient people in my life who are also available for occasionally lending me a hand and can be depended on for quality assistance.
Except at work.
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So where's your grad school essay? I'm still waiting. I've been having a "writer" sort of day.
--PF
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However, I have not ruled out writing the essay later, especially if I get IN to a grad school and have to start writing papers regularly.
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I'm pretty bad about letting people help me pack, because I can be so weird and possessive about my belongings and their treatment. So maybe it's just as well!
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