Leave that crack alone.

[raybear]

This morning while standing in the shower in the midst of an argument, my brain just stopped and all I could think was "AARRRRGH!! Full moon in Pisces with Mercury retrograde!!! ARRRRGHH! I'm not going to make it!!" It helps if you imagine the 'arghs' in a Kelis "I hate you so much right now" voice. So it basically felt like I was stuck in this thick suffocating bubble trying to talk my way out of it to people on the outside who spoke a completely different language and I just kept trying new words out hoping it would magically work. And it didn't, I just got more trapped. Then I finally was just like stop, stop, stop, get me off this crazy train, cut this scene, let's sit down and try this again.

Part of the problem is that Lowenstein can go to bed angry and upset and wake up feeling great. I have a difficult time falling asleep when emotions are churning (good or bad) and when I wake up, I have a hangover. (We weren't even mad at each other, it was more angry at things outside of us, like cops and nocturnal animals and not being able to shut things out to fall asleep.) I just wasn't ready to be okay this morning, I needed to be upset a little longer while taking a shower and having coffee, and then I slowly wake up and gain perspective. The moon moves slower than lightning. And since I'm usually the first one up, I have the alone time to recenter and I didn't have that today, she was up-and-at-'em seconds after I was. But you know, lesson learned and all that. And what's that saying about hindsight? Oh yeah, it's the bearer of bad news.

I swear it was made so much worse because of the astrological forecast. I mean, normally I'm able to be both: emotionally overwhelmed irrationality sitting next objective perspective. But I was too tired first this morning to do anything but feel wounded. Now I just feel sort of drugged, since everything got straightened out and we had a nice breakfast but now I'm just plain physically exhausted.

Before everything went to hell last night, I had a great evening having dinner with my New York co-worker who's a fellow pop culture and music geek, but we had lots of conversations about astrology and me telling crazy stories about my so-called dating life.

I walked into the office and it was completely empty. It was 9:30. I hate that, it's so eerie when everyone calls in late on the same day. Me, I don't call in. I just show up late.

Comments

[raybear.livejournal.com]

right now I just want to crawl under covers on the couch and watch movies until the planets straighten themselves out. even stuff at work is crazy and out of control (though luckily in departments that aren't mine).

[writeli.livejournal.com]

I had a conversation for 20 minutes with someone in our chicago office after which i walked into my boss's office and asked him if I was suddenly speaking in a different language and was unaware. I mean, he was so frustrated from being confused, I had no clue what I could be saying that was so confusing. This morning I almost punched a woman on the train for being rude. Everything is bananas. I thought it was just the feeling hanging in the air here because it's 9/11. I read your post and was like "oh!"

I'm gonna use that covers/couch/movie suggestion. just can't until next week when it probably will be all over anyway.