raybear | And everybody needs somebody to love before it's too late....

I'm experiencing this strange feeling about tonight...something along the lines of excitement. Shocking. Usually I have this feeling of dread before the gig, which is a mix of nervousness as well as knowing it will be a long long night after working all day then being in the booth from 9:30 pm to 3:30 pm without a real break. Don't get me wrong -- DJing as a paid gig is more fun then sitting at a desk doing paperwork as a paid gig, but it's still work. It's deceiving for me think of it as a social event since I don't really get to interact with all the fabulous people except to maybe give a hug or dance for ten seconds or exchange a snarky comment or two. I stand above and watch everyone else get their drink or groove or grope on, and I chainsmoke and watch the clock and try to keep up the energy levels so people will dance. And concentrate on not puking -- this feeling usually comes around 1:45 am when I'm exhausted and have low blood sugar and I'm smoke-filled and I know I have two more hours of spinning.

But I think after 8 consecutive months of doing this, it's sunk in and I finally realize that every time, I will survive. I will prevail. And most times I do still manage to have fun even though I'm working. Tonight I also get to see the premiere of two of

dommeyourass's acts, one of which I'm particularly tintillated by, especially after the sneak preview of the catsuit last weekend, and I've intentionally not asked for any information about how it will look so I can be surprised along with the audience.

The past few months I've left the club alone in the early morning hours and didn't mind a bit -- I even liked feeling alone the last hour at the club, interacting solely with strangers. I'm not sure if I'll crave this ritual tonight or not.