Now the skies could fall, not even if my boss should call, the world it seems so very small

[raybear]

I feel that my weekend started Thursday afternoon, and the first half, or 2/3 was crazy intense mania, but than at 2:45 am on Saturday night the rush ended and I was practically dead asleep on a stranger's couch in the middle of a party with music blaring.



Friday night I had a lovely date with Lowenstein that involved sushi and talking and going to Old Town where I helped tear tickets so I could sneak into the show legitimately. The music was great, and I was particularly in love with this one blues harp player who Otis Taylor pulled up on stage for one song, but not as high energy as I possibly needed to sustain momentum. We had a fun scene plan after her trip to Circuit, but the concert didn't done in time so we ended up going home and having fun anyway. At least we'll have the scene for another time, and hell, it was hot enough just thinking about the prospects.

Saturday I slept in but not as long as I wanted. I made the party mix CDs for the Saints2Sinners folks, did a couple loads of laundry, tried to get work done, but had to hop on the bus to head north for our psychic appointment. The session was intense and good and interesting and unexpected and not exactly lifechanging in the way I wanted but I'm greedy. Afterwards it was hard to come down and adjust to getting ready for the party. But we managed to switch gears eventually and I actually had a fabulous time putting together my priest character, especially when I got to make out with the nun. So dirty. I ran some last minute errands for Lady Lynx and met up with Ivanna for a late dinner before the party. The party itself was fun. I received a flogging in the beginning of the evening to cleanse my soul before I did further sinning. Normally in public scenes I don't take it too far, and this time I went further than I should and had a not-so-great moment at the end, but I'm actually quite proud of how I was able to pull myself together after the unexpected reaction. That feels really important to me, being able to restore my sense of safety and security and go back to a fun headspace, rather then dwelling too much on the temporary moment of panic and distrust. The rest of the night I danced my ass off, occasionally taking breaks for a couple conversations. I dripped hot wax on a few folks and then had Dark Angel drip some on me. But mostly I danced.

When I did sit down at 2:45 am, just for a moment, all of the sudden my body and mind just collapsed and dripped out of my feet onto the floor. I didn't really fall asleep or pass out, but I'm sure it looked that way and it even felt that way. I pulled myself together around 3am and set my dial to "auto-pilot" and made it through the end of the party and got us home. We didn't get into bed until 5 am.

Sunday was the day of recovery. Again, I slept in, but it wasn't enough. My body chemistry was all thrown off from the days before. I was dehydrated and blood sugar was hovering around crashing. We got food and went to the grocery story, but most of the day was spent lying down, either watching television or napping to get rid of the headache, or reading for school. The migraine didn't fully leave my head until 10 pm or so, which was the time I was intending to go to bed, but I got that euphoric rush of being pain-free and hit my stride in getting more work done, which is a good thing. And didn't get to bed until just after midnight, which is a bad thing.


I'm soooo tired this morning.

So tired that I can't really write about the thousands of other things going on, including lessons I've been mulling since thursday's therapy and Saturday's psychic session and various conversations in-between. Too tired to talk about how much the movie "Unfaithful" sucked, even though I went into it with low expectations. Too tired to talk about how Mandy Moore was in my dream last night and I kept teasing her and calling her by her full name and she was wearing an outfit similar to Lady Lynx's from Saturday. Too tired to talk about job stuff, though I also don't want to jinx anything by writing about it here.

But other than exhausted, I'm doing quite well.

And I leave myself with this:

If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

Comments

[queermarcus.livejournal.com]

How good is the grocery story?

[vfc.livejournal.com]

Now, my mother and I only share the same opinions on movies about 30 or 40 percent of the time, but I am still shocked that any time Unfaithful is mentioned, she heralds its brilliance and tells me what an amazing acting job Diane Lane did. Um, okay. Apparently the fact that an actress was able to cry on a train means that she's "incredible." Personally, I'll take Lane's performance as the Elvis-loving gal with Cerebral Palsy in the schmaltzy Touched by Love over the crying-on-the-train scene any day. Hell, I'd rather watch Streets of Fire 10 times than see Unfaithful again.

Re:

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I thought her performance was great -- I just didn't care because I was too busy being annoyed by the chracter and the movie. I had to keep watching ebcause I wanted to see what sort of Lifetime movie ending they had in store for me. Boy, was I suprised when he clocked him with the stupid globe then rolled him up in a rug and trudged him home. They never had Joanna Kerns's husband do THAT in any Lifetime movie. I could elaborate further on all the specifics of how it sucked, but that would be preaching to the choir. I did notice that the movie was based on a French movie and wondered if I would have felt differently about the plot if I was watching the original. But I'm sure as hell not going to waste anymore time by finding out.

I think last night

[torreycanyon.livejournal.com]

I'm tired, but not too tired to tell you that you were in my dream, showing me around a drizzly Chicago full of tall buildings and candle shops. You were very tall, with very fluffy hair, and had an even taller friend. Hrmm.

Re: I think last night

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I'm not very tall, and sometimes my hair gets a little fuzzy between clippings, but it's never fluffy. I might have a tall friend or two. But I would definitely take your around Chicago's tall buildings when it was drizzling and show you candle shops.