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raybearOn the Transsexual Scale (which measures the amount of tranny content in any medium, including a block of time), the past couple days have rated an 8. I'm looking forward to them going back down to their average daily level of 2.
Sometimes the moments when my job doesn't suck as much with regards to it being a use of my time are the moments when my job sucks the most because life is just sort of crappy. We have a client who's a transwoman bus driver being forced to dress as a man and getting harassed on the job and we sent a demand letter last week to her employer regarding the discrimination. Yesterday she called us really upset because she got a letter in the mail from him, even though he's supposed to contact us directly. She read the entire letter on the phone and it was your standard fcked up employer isht, including a request for an in-person meeting with her, but that's easy for me to say because I read this type all the time and it doesn't have to do directly with my life. So I feel like a liar when I have to talk to her about her rights as an employee to go into work and do her job and if he calls her into his office she can simply say "I can't discuss this with you with my counsel", which is a lot easier for me to say 500 miles away when it's not me than it is for her to do. While I know what it's like to have my job be stressful and sucking my energy (not even really talking about this one, but other previous even more soul-deadening retail jobs), and I know what it's like to have my identity disrespected and ignored, I've been lucky that these two things haven't been combined.
I know it's not really relevant to compare the oppression of different groups, but it's hard for me sometimes to honestly say that transmen and transwomen are in the same boat and face the same obstacles. Even though men don't exactly take kindly to being infiltrated, they're narcissistic enough to understand why someone would want to "become one of them" (because you know, it's all about them). But they get even more pissy about men trying to leave their ranks and trying to "pass" as a woman. I don't want to make this about some sort of contest about who's lives are more dangerous and scary and more oppressed, it's just I realize how lucky I am in my own personal experience as far as the range of fcked up things that COULD happen to me but haven't (yet?) and I don't discount that part of this comes from primarily being perceived as born male (as well as being white).
Last night I e-mailed off three queries (all pretty much the same, just tailored slightly to each publication) and a job application. Then I went and got my ass beat at Euchre, which wasn't exactly "fun", because even though I'm a pretty good loser, I prefer to at least have a sporting chance and enjoy myself in the process. But I was thinking as a brushed my teeth that I was the youngest in my family by a lot (my only brother is exactly 5 1/2 years older than I) and that means I was constantly the most losing player in any family game. But I always went back and paid close attention and would lose and lose and lose but each time figuring more out, until one day, the 11 year old beat the entire family at Scrabble. So last night definitely won't keep me from playing Euchre again. Especially since it reminds me so much of Spades, which I loved playing all through high school.
Today I'm going to work on some more submissions and research how to do that version of meditation where you hold a person you feel animosity towards in your heart and focus on lovingkindness and compassion. I seem to have a lot of negative and angry energy in my brain and heart lately and I'm not sure why, but it doesn't really feel like me.
Sometimes the moments when my job doesn't suck as much with regards to it being a use of my time are the moments when my job sucks the most because life is just sort of crappy. We have a client who's a transwoman bus driver being forced to dress as a man and getting harassed on the job and we sent a demand letter last week to her employer regarding the discrimination. Yesterday she called us really upset because she got a letter in the mail from him, even though he's supposed to contact us directly. She read the entire letter on the phone and it was your standard fcked up employer isht, including a request for an in-person meeting with her, but that's easy for me to say because I read this type all the time and it doesn't have to do directly with my life. So I feel like a liar when I have to talk to her about her rights as an employee to go into work and do her job and if he calls her into his office she can simply say "I can't discuss this with you with my counsel", which is a lot easier for me to say 500 miles away when it's not me than it is for her to do. While I know what it's like to have my job be stressful and sucking my energy (not even really talking about this one, but other previous even more soul-deadening retail jobs), and I know what it's like to have my identity disrespected and ignored, I've been lucky that these two things haven't been combined.
I know it's not really relevant to compare the oppression of different groups, but it's hard for me sometimes to honestly say that transmen and transwomen are in the same boat and face the same obstacles. Even though men don't exactly take kindly to being infiltrated, they're narcissistic enough to understand why someone would want to "become one of them" (because you know, it's all about them). But they get even more pissy about men trying to leave their ranks and trying to "pass" as a woman. I don't want to make this about some sort of contest about who's lives are more dangerous and scary and more oppressed, it's just I realize how lucky I am in my own personal experience as far as the range of fcked up things that COULD happen to me but haven't (yet?) and I don't discount that part of this comes from primarily being perceived as born male (as well as being white).
Last night I e-mailed off three queries (all pretty much the same, just tailored slightly to each publication) and a job application. Then I went and got my ass beat at Euchre, which wasn't exactly "fun", because even though I'm a pretty good loser, I prefer to at least have a sporting chance and enjoy myself in the process. But I was thinking as a brushed my teeth that I was the youngest in my family by a lot (my only brother is exactly 5 1/2 years older than I) and that means I was constantly the most losing player in any family game. But I always went back and paid close attention and would lose and lose and lose but each time figuring more out, until one day, the 11 year old beat the entire family at Scrabble. So last night definitely won't keep me from playing Euchre again. Especially since it reminds me so much of Spades, which I loved playing all through high school.
Today I'm going to work on some more submissions and research how to do that version of meditation where you hold a person you feel animosity towards in your heart and focus on lovingkindness and compassion. I seem to have a lot of negative and angry energy in my brain and heart lately and I'm not sure why, but it doesn't really feel like me.
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Date: 2004-04-08 08:32 am (UTC)Euchre?!
Date: 2004-04-08 09:26 am (UTC)I haven't heard of Euchre in years.
While working on a road crew in Jersey I passed many a summer afternoon in the garage chain smoking Drum playing that game.
Oh, if only I could remember how to play.