raybear | I don't feel any fcking joy of living.

But the time I left work, I was fading and sluggish in that way I'm familiar with, the days that I have not eaten the proper amounts at the proper times and my blood sugar has dropped. I had the headache and the sluggishness and the nausea. I wanted to sit on the train but a 5:05 pm train on a weekday isn't likely -- I leaned as best I could. I made it home. I knew I should drink more lemonade and it would make me feel better. Talking to DYA confirmed it -- she had a bad afternoon and immediately felt better after drinking some. I made up a batch and took a few sips and laid down to take a nap. I wasn't successful. My headache became worse -- piercing. I got up for an ice pack. I drank a few more sips. I laid down. I kept repeating this until finally I puked. (I made it to the toilet, there is no horrifying clean-up story to follow.) I heaved a lot, even when nothing was coming up. I stopped. I drank some water. I laid back down. I felt sluggish. I drank a few more sips. I dozed off for 10 minutes. I got up and puked again.

I've actually puked before because of low blood sugar. Often what happens is it drops super super low, I eat something, I puke most of it up, and then I feel immediately better and eat a small amount of something else and it all evens out. But I wasn't totally feeling better and I couldn't even think about trying the lemonade again. If I can just fall asleep..... Not happening. So I decided I needed to compromise. I pulled out an orange (one of the few items in our fridge) and juiced it. I had a few sips. Tried to lay down. Got really cold and shivery suddenly. (Oh wait, I was shivering a lot while puking, but that often happens to me.) Tried to watch tv. Got up. Puked up the orange juice.

I just made some ginger tea. I hate ginger tea. But I know it works wonders for the stomach. I'm going to try to finish the orange juice later. My Temp BFF said vomiting is a bad sign and the fast should end. Some Master Clease literature lists it as a mere symptom of detoxing, others say it means detoxing is happening to fast. Earlier I joked that I hoped I would start vomiting so that I would have an excuse to eat, but now that I'm here, I'm not eating and I feel really horrible and take it back. It feels outrageously horrible and the exact reason I started doing things like taking chromium and eating protein for breakfast and not going long periods without eating.

I'll see how the rest of night goes. I might just remain on a detox regiment for the week, but it will include food, mostly just fresh fruits and vegetables.

At one point I started laughing -- between my eyesight, my hormones, and my hypoglycemia, I would so not survive in the wild. I would have been naturally selected out of the gene pool.