(no subject)

[raybear]

Sometimes I tell people things that I'm thinking/feeling because I want them to say "of course you feel that way! in fact, you should feel more of it!"
Other time I want them to just say "yeah, I've been there. good luck with the process."
And it's bad when you want one and get the other.

I have no idea why I even brought it up. I should have continued talking about the pieta and Tilda Swinton.

my life is currently an equation:

2(a+b) + cx + dyⁿ = z

-where a and b represent the variables of negotiating with awkward conversations with former intimates (i.e. the stress of dealing with El__ and K__) which is doubled because of their proximity.

-where x is the variable that represents exhaustion from moving and c represents anxiety that the move produces

-where y represents the anxiety of MelRo's return, and the variable n is a function of time where the value increases as the time between now and her arrival decreases. the value of d is just miscommunications of short awkward phone conversations. d is currently tripping me up. but looking at the big picture, I realize that it doesn't have to affect the sum, z, as significantly as my overreaction is making it.

I should also realize the sum, z, represents the clatter and rumble and explosions and stress currently in my head, so therefore any reaction or thought that my brain spits out is obviously being greatly affected by z and should not be considered true and correct representations.

(And I'm not ashamed that Howards End is one of my favorite movies. I don't care.)

Comments

[masscooper.livejournal.com]

Nerd. My head hurts too much to look at that.

::hugs you:: when do you get back again? When you are backand I am freed from the hell that is this paper (and not SICK) we should play.

Ry

yeah, i'm a geek.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

i'm around. i never left. physically speaking, that is. perhaps mentally i've been long gone. just busy schedule-wise, i guess.

BUT. what are you doing tomorrow night? want to come to the tranny boy sleepover party at my house? even if you don't want to stay the night, you should still come by if you can.

Re: yeah, i'm a geek.

[masscooper.livejournal.com]

Oh, I can't. Tomorrow night I'm either busy being sick, or writing my paper, or most likely, doing both. :-( But after the 25th, I'm free (well, available. I'm never free. You have to pay for goods this hot).

Ry

Re: yeah, i'm a geek.

[nineinchlovely.livejournal.com]

we'll help you write it. it could be interesting.
what's it on?


and and we'll slap ya and give ya veggie broth and crackas! want me to ask yer mom? Ummm...Miz. Ryan's Mom, can he come out and play tomorrow night?

hehehe. I'm done. I promise.

Re: yeah, i'm a geek.

[masscooper.livejournal.com]

Uh, i might be getting pierced...an entourage could be fun. But I might be doing some bonding with my queer het friend Lillian. She's so coooool! She checks out chicks with me and comes to drag shows, but avoids the drama by dating boys.

She's my hero.

Ry

Geek Love

[masscooper.livejournal.com]

I mean, I'm a geek too, I'm just too sick to indulge.

Ry

Re: yeah, i'm a geek.

[freakysparks.livejournal.com]

a trannyboy sleepover party? Gee whiz!

Re: yeah, i'm a geek.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

hey freakysparks -- you should come to StarGaze tonight for becky&michelle's going away party. we'll probably be there around 9ish.

are you jealous of the sleepover? would you like to attend? we don't card people at the door in regards to identity. though you might get called "he" and "jeff stroker" alot if you came. :)