raybear | And I can't confront the doubts I have, I can't admit that maybe the past was bad.

Not that anyone asked, but yes, I am looking rather dapper today. I pulled out my black khakis (i.e. twill pants), and I've paired them with a satiny green dress shirt and black sweater vest. Yes, I look good, thanks for asking. Not cute -- sexxxy. It's so easy to stand out though, when most days I wear jeans, work boots, and a black or grey t-shirt. During my lunch break I'm planning on heading to Syms and buying a new white dress shirt and possibly a new tie. Something of the grey or gray persuasion.

Despite my desperately clever tone, I'm only feeling so-so today. And though I'm tempted to write about stuff regarding my current physical state and whatnot, I feel weird about someone reading about it here first before it coming out of my own mouth. So maybe I'll just save it. Besides, I'll probably have more insight after talking it over with someone. The short version is I'm feeling weird about my body, though not in the usual "oh-god-i'm-trans" way, if that makes sense. It's more like....my body had gone through some change (temporary or permanent, I'm not sure) so it's reacting to things differently and stuff that worked before isn't working now....so....yeah.

Last night I didn't make it to the airport because I got out of work late which SUCKED because Stuey's plane actually got in early and apparantly there were no lines at security. That lying website. But at least I got to talk to her on the phone for awhile and hopefully kept her entertained during her layover and she was very helpful in offering support during the cooking process. (I make ziti with a gorgonzola cream sauce. Yum.)

Most of last night I spent practicing on the tables, even recording some of my fcking around, and creating a new version of "name that sample" involving familiar songs. Though I might re-record it with some sort of back beat, since the cutting can get a little....repetitive. Or annoying. Particularly to folks who might be living with me.

I'm also planning on having coffee tomorrow night with my friend Le___ who went away to Australia to join the circus and came back a dominatrix. Between that and my transition (gender, career, and otherwise), we'll probably have a lot to talk about.
Also, I saw my old co-worker Amy on the street today. Walked right passed her but didn't notice until the very last minute -- she didn't notice me at all. I was running late and she was probably on her way to work at the apartment place, so I decided I should just call her tonight. Weird thing is, I was thinking about calling her anyway. Haven't spoken to her in like 6 months or so. I also feel motivated to call Dan tonight. Funny how the feelings to connect with old friends comes in cycles or waves.