raybear | blast from the past

here's a journal entry from March 19th of this year:
The weekend went by WAY too fast. I spent almost the entire time with Melanie, which is actually why time goes fast, I believe. On Friday, we went to dinner at Ringo, as a sort of recreation of the infamous first date. Almost 3 months to the day. The 3 months have gone super fast but I also feel like I've known her for a really long time. It's similar to my relationship with Damon -- he and I have been best friends for about a year now, but the actual relationship-forming process only took a month or two. Virtually instantaneous. And that's how my relationship with Melanie is. Which is cool, but sometimes scary. Sometimes I feel the need to step back, and have my single, alone life back so I can keep track of who I am and what I want. When I'm with Melanie, all I can really think about is her and how I feel. Not in a bad "i'm putting her above myself way", but more that the only parts of myself I'm thinking about are the ones that relate to her. And I don't want to lose other parts of myself. I'm not sure if this is making sense, or at least explaining how I'm feeling.
In no way do I want to end or change my relationship with Melanie. I want her to be a main part of my life, which is probably why I'm obsessed with thinking about future plans about living together and things like that. But I also want to continue to work on my own personal growth, and that includes small important things, like reading books, cleaning up my apartment, calling up old friends, making mixtapes, watching movies by myself, going on walks, and lots of other activities I did all the time before I was with her. But the issue is ALWAYs time. I have to negotiate my time in a much stricter way, but when I'm with Melanie, I tend to do the opposite. I don't mind sitting around in my pajamas all day with her. I don't mind talking on the phone with her for over an hour on the nights we're "spending apart". I'm sure part of this is that we're still in a honeymoon type phase, and I want to move into a reality phase before we get sick of the honeymoon phase and HAVE to stop seeing each other as much.

I'm not sure we're out of the honeymoon phase yet. Or at least I'm not completely out of the "sick of seeing her" phase.