"I'm coming home to Atlanta for the holidays!"

[raybear]

Dear Mom and Dad,
That's what you'd be reading right now, if you had bothered to write back to my e-mail.
Sincerely,
fcking Raymond.


Dear GCI,
nsync IS NOT FCKING R&B OR HIP HOP!!!!
Thank you.
faithful listener.


Dear Dr. Dre,
Why are you a faker? Suge Knight has helped me see the light. I'm going to sign with Death Row now.
Signed,
delusional white boy


Dear IT person at headquarters,
You are not Jimmy Fallon or any other variation of "your company's computer guy". Quit it.
Signed,
the real Jimmy Fallon


Dear Time (not the magazine),
Ok, I get it. You can quit fcking with me now.
Thanks,
Raymond

Comments

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Dear Shaneequa,

Carrier pigeons have flown away. STOP.
Trying this new fangled techonology called the telegraph. STOP.
California is only three days away by car. STOP.
But I don't have a car. STOP.
Leave a pie on the windowsill for me. STOP.
Toothbrush is in the mail. STOP.

Love, Pony Express.

STOP.

[wearemany.livejournal.com]

Take a memo, Trixie.

"Dear Pony Express. My eggs are broken and my mind is scrambled. In the shower this morning I dropped the soap but caught it before it hit the tile. Haven't you ever heard of hitchhiking? On a closer read of your original brief I discover you have slandered the name of my client, JuJuBees, who had expressed great joy at the prospect of actual cred. Please expect immediate legal action."

Trixie, are you wearing a red bra under that blouse?

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Take a letter, Miss Jones.

Dear Trixie,

Thank you for your recent correspondence regarding blankity-blank. We here at blank are very concerned about the situation and wish you the best of luck. However, due to blank blankity blank, we will not be able to help you at this time.

How many times must we tell you? Don't get caught in the shower.

Sincerely,
Victor Secret

P.S. Please forward future correspondence to my home address as I am LEAVING WORK RIGHT NOW!!!!