(no subject)

Why do I get so obsessive about discussions with people I don't know? Don't get me wrong -- I'm enjoying the majority of the discussion, but I get so easily perturbed and snotty about people trying to join the discourse who don't know what's actually being discussed. There's a place for those explanations, but not DURING the discussions. It's such a white way of thinking, to demand that something be explained/justified to you.

And for some reason, I started thinking of the play "Death and the Maiden", where at the end, the female lead is so enraged about her inability to exact revenge on her torturer, and her frustration about why it's always the responsibility of the opressed person to stop the cycle, and take the higher ground.

I need to stop getting angry so quickly, because I know it's not an effective way to dialogue with people. But sometimes, I don't even want to talk to them, if I'm not in the mood to "educate".

(no subject)

In other news....
this week I got a phone message from my childhood best friend, V___. I haven't spoken with her yet, and I'm not sure if I will or when. But who knows. I don't really have anything to lose.

(no subject)

Ok, so when I act like an a$$ and lose my temper at some random poster, I got a reply (i.e. reinforcement), but when I calm the fck down and write a genuine, rational post, I get nothing. This isn't going to help me learn not to lose my temper in a discussion. :-P

I just ran an errand for one of the attys, and on the way back I stopped at Old Navy and bought a shirt. I'm wearing it now. I feel really uncomfortable in my body today, and I didn't choose wisely, wardrobe-wise. I hate when that happens. Now I feel better, plus I have a nice new button down shirt that looks crisp and spiffy.

I think part of the problem is since I've lost all this weight, my binder isn't working as well. This may have been happening before, but when wearing sweaters and vests and such, I didn't notice. Now that it's t-shirt weather, I can't stand how my chest looks. I'm wearing button down short sleeve shirts and vests ALL SUMMER.
Or I'll just stay at home all the time and not wear a shirt.
The other annoying thing is that I can't really go down a size in my binder, because it'll be too small. Maybe I can do some sewing to alter it....but that just has bad news written all over it. I DONT want to go back to the heavy dark futuro-type binder. I'll suffocate.

I think I'll just stick with this tadpole thing, and buy a bunch of new A-shirts, only a size smaller. I guess I'll still have to do layers. Damnit. What I wouldn't give right now in this 90 degree weather to wear just a t-shirt and feel completely comfortable in my body. I guess I'm going to have to give $7000!

Argh.