now you can have me when you want me.

Today's (initial) entry will not conform to the usual standard I try to keep in writing, i.e. it will be less coherent than usual. Too much to say, not enough time, not enough brain power to Make It Happen (like Mariah Carey).

Lesson One: In which Omniscient!Raymond answers all of the recent brain ramblings of Raymond the Lesser.

There's no time limit on feelings. There's nothing wrong with residual anger or hurt, or even non-residual if it was not fully dealt with in the beginning. However, replaying incidents in your mind and wondering if certain phone calls had ended differently is not terribly conducive. Instead, examine the triggers -- what's causing you to think so much of incidents of 6 months ago? (And also, of 12 months ago? Of 3 years ago?) The concept of things always capable of changing is a double-edged sword. On one hand, things that are bad will soon be over. On the other hand, things that are good will soon be over. The solution? Change what you're measuring your happiness with.

Lesson Two: In which a Short Chronology of Events is told.

After leaving work last Friday, we walked down the Magnificent Mile and I avoided questions about my family life and we stood in line for Garrett's popcorn. I made chicken and dumplings for dinner and had interesting conversations with her aunt while they made a trip to the grocery store. We watched Waiting for Guffman (I sometimes wish I hadn't lost count of how many times I've seen it) and the opening ceremonies. In the morning we made crepes. In the afternoon we visited the zoo. In the evening we drove them to the airport. On the way home I had the urge to stop at a mall and spend the evening walking around. Yesterday involved lots of nothing and seeing Monster's Ball. I occasionally feel guilty for being a lounge king and enjoying hours of just watching TV or listening to music with little interaction with human beings. But most times I don't. When I lived by myself I enjoyed the weekends to myself with no obligations or pretenses. Even if I was occasionally depressed by my ability to go through the whole day without showering or getting dressed.

Lesson Three: The Dissatisfying Conclusion
I'm about to meet with an organization consultant to talk about my work environment and where I think we're going as an organization and where I'd like it to go. I feel nervous because I didn't fill out the survey completely so I'm sure I'll have to do lots of talking. I feel less nervous because she has a mullet. Actually, it might qualify as a rat-tail. Oh, how I wish I was embellishing.

I am Jack's insulin levels.

This morning when I woke up at 8:00 am, I consumed a 12 ounce glass of water with an ermergencee packet and a chewy granola bar.
- At 9:15 am at work, I consumed about 20 ounces of water and a handful of peanut M&M's. A
- At 11:00 am I ate a croissant, a cup of coffee, and 3 strawberries.
- At noon, I ate a small salad and a cup of coffee. And about 16 ounces of water.
- At 2:45 pm, I ate a large roast beef sandwich, a side of french fries, and a large soda.
- At 3:15 pm, I had 2 glucose tablets and drank about 16 ounces of water.

I feel I'm going to puke and faint from low blood sugar. What the fck? That would make sense if I hadn't eaten all day. But I've been grazing nonstop for nearly seven hours. I think I woke up with low levels. I had low blood sugar yesterday -- I was consuming mass amounts of food yet still feeling empty and sluggish. In the evening I crashed hard and could barely expend energy. I'm not sure if this is linked to my cholesterol medication, my hormones, or more recent spike in caffeince consumption (I had a LOT of coffee this weekend, though no caffeine yesterday). I intentionally drank coffee this morning because I thought I woke up with a headache due to withdrawal. I opted not to play the hero and give in, but it didn't seem to completely work.

Now I'm just trying to hold on until 5 pm to I can go home and nap -- which always seems to be the best cure for my metabolism issues. But I really fear I'm going to puke soon. Which would be a shame since I would lose all this food that has the potential of raising my blood sugar.

Or maybe I'm just getting sick and completely misreading my body's symptoms. But I don't think so.

In other random news, today an employee at Crow's Nest affirmed my theory that they are all very nice and try to be helpful but are incredibly dumb. And no, I'm not even being a snob. Here's the deal. I want the Nappy Roots album. So I go and look for it in the section. I don't see a little artist card for them. I'm about to look and see if there's a generic "N" section, when the person says "Can I help you?" (They're always nice about offering help.) I decide, despite my previous experiences with them never able to help, sure. And tell him what I'm looking for. He then proceeds to look where I JUST had my hand and eyes. Then he looks at the understock section. Then he says, "no, I guess we're sold out." I stand there for a moment, waiting for him to go look in the computer for more information, or offer to have it ordered. He does nothing. I say thank you and move on.

I just looked up on the web and found out that the album doesn't come out until February 26th. I don't expect he should have known this off the top of his head, but I do expect he should have had the mechanism to figure it out. But instead he just play-acted. Please don't waste my time. But I think what kills me about Crow's Nest is that THEY always offer to help ME. But then they have no idea what to do if the CD isn't readily available in the section in proper location. Maybe I'm bizarre, but I only ask for help after I can't find the CD readily available in the section in the proper location. And I assume that the person working there has extra knowledge than me as well as access to areas where the CD might be, but that never seems to be the case. An exception is the people working the register -- they're forever giving me good tips on other albums and seem pretty up on their information; so why don't they ever work the floor??

Since starting this entry about 15 minutes, I don't feel as likely to puke or faint. Perhaps those tablets finally did the trick. Thank you, Wal-glucose.