Its a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world

[raybear]

I need to come out about something. I really, really dislike the use of the word "tranny/trannie". I'm not even talking about that Project Runway dude. I'm talking about my friends and neighbors.

I'm more okay if its used to describe some sort of event/space/concept that is about being intentionally provocative, like "Trannyshack" in SF. I'm not okay with it being used a general noun or descriptor of a category of people, e.g. "you could come, its full of trannies!!" or even things like "tranny yoga class" or "tranny dance night." Even if this is supposedly being used as a positive selling point. If a trans person uses it self-referentially, I don't notice as much, since I respect any homos right to call themselves a fag, a dyke, a lesbian, a queer, etc. But non-trans people saying it really gives me the willies the most. Its like all the gross fetish buttons get lit up on my emotional switchboard.

So, I'm curious to know what others think.

[Poll #1226144]

Please don't be shy about checking any box, as all of them are things I've thought myself while pondering this question.

Comments

[trooper6.livejournal.com]

I won't get into The New Yorker/Obamas cover here, as that issue, from my perspective, has no bearing on any point that is related to this discussion. But I would say that you are right; we should apologize for our errors. However, in a previous comment, you seem to suggest that this isn't any more valuable than saying sorry to a car accident victim, comatose in their hospital bed.

I think the Obama cover is quite germane...but we can move away from it if you like. I'm not all that invested in that tangent. As for the saying sorry. Saying sorry doesn't erase the injury, but it helps with the recovery. Whether you are stung by a barb or in a hospital bed. We can't erase the pain, but we can help with the healing...though only if we take responsibility for our part in the injury. It is why I think the Truth and Reconciliation Committee in South Africa was so amazing. There was none of this, "I didn't mean it." There was acknowledgment so healing could happen.

However, if someone is going to rail on me with all of the anger and ire of all of the collective hurt they have felt for all of the injustices that have occurred for all of the people who have been mentally scarred for the use of a word that I didn't know was wrong? That makes me recoil. That doesn't endear me to that person or to their cause or to the process of what they are experiencing. Do you see the difference of what I'm saying here?

I would like to point out that my examples never involved person B going on a long rant...but a simple "That was a jacked up thing you said" (also not "You are jacked up"). So I cry strawman there...but to take your point seriously. I would say this. Let's say I said something jacked up and didn't realize it was sketchy. And some person I was talking to went off on me. You know what I would do? I'd realize that innocent thing I said actually is actually part of some clearly larger problem. I'd realize I probably have some sort of internalized -ism or -phobia going on I haven't dealt with and I'd listen. I'd listen to the ranting and try to empathize and try to learn. Being presented with a rant that distills injustices that have occurred for all the people who have been mentally scarred by the use of a word is a powerful privilege and opportunity for learning...and an opportunity to empathize with something I clearly haven't started to do yet. I'd embrace that rare opportunity.

"People have the responsibility to educate themselves" is a glib comment, but how do you do that? How do you gain the knowledge you are supposed to have?

It is up to people to teach others what they know, to be advocates. People are only going to do research of that sort if it has some bearing on their lives. That's why it's up to the minorities to speak up, to demonstrate to people, yes! This DOES have a bearing on your life, we are a part of this community and we have to show you what is correct and not correct.

There are lots of ways to educate oneself. Sitting, listening, and lots of empathy are some of the best ways I have found. Reading books. Being open to uncomfortable moments. We should be grateful when minorities choose to take time out of their lives to educate us, but that is not their purpose in life. I regularly do trans education. I go to various classes and organizations and work on educating cisgendered people about transpeople. I've done it for LA sheriff's department, budding medical professionals, hip queer kids, all sorts of people. But let me tell you something about that. It is really draining. And often hurtful. I deal with really inappropriate and invasive questions and attitudes. I deal with people telling me they think I'm nice but they could never imagine dating a person like me because that would be gross. I deal with all sorts of ignorant, hurtful isht. And I do it because I'm committed to making the world better for other transfolk. But, I don't necessarily want to do that when I'm trying to get my groceries. When I'm trying to relax with friends. When minorities complain about the expectation of education, it's because the ignorant person often treats us like show ponies for their edification when they haven't even done an internet search to get some basics down.

[penpusher.livejournal.com]

The reason I feel less inclined to speak about The New Yorker cover here has to do with what I think about the history of that magazine and how out of character this cover was with it, and that's not really related to this discussion.

Perhaps I made this into a strawman argument. If so, I apologize for dissolving the discussion to some sort of mockery.

But the point is, we have to try to keep emotion out of the discussion. People are looking for reasons to discount, to ignore, to continue the Status Quo, and if someone reacts... well, maybe it was intended and the reaction was what was wanted. Schoolyard bully games. Or, it might have been unintentional, and the message received by the accused is "this person is freaking," i.e. this wasn't my fault.

What I'm saying is human nature is the element that we all have to deal with here. It takes an exceptional person of the majority to go out of their own way to even learn about the minority, let alone adopt their skills and change their ways to fit. This doesn't happen spontaneously. It happens when the word gets out (npi).

I didn't mean to imply that it is the minorities' role to educate. But, if we are going to have a better world, that's partially the way it's going to happen. People simply don't care about things that they have no interest in. That's a part of human nature. They may listen for a bit, but at the end of the day, if it doesn't affect them, it's yesterday's news. That's why we need minorities to help us understand how these issues affect us, affect the community and the world at large.

I wish it weren't that way.

[trooper6.livejournal.com]

"I didn't mean to imply that it is the minorities' role to educate. But, if we are going to have a better world, that's partially the way it's going to happen. People simply don't care about things that they have no interest in. That's a part of human nature. They may listen for a bit, but at the end of the day, if it doesn't affect them, it's yesterday's news. That's why we need minorities to help us understand how these issues affect us, affect the community and the world at large.

I wish it weren't that way."

Then take heart. Because it isn't always that way. If it really were that way, then we wouldn't have had the Quakers creating the underground railroad, or AWARE (Allied White Women Against Racism through Education), or MAR (Men Against Rape), or any number of other organizations. There are lots of examples of people in the majority who don't know any minority people in specific who went out of their way to educate themselves and make change. Those white kids from segregated all white neighborhoods who when on the freedom rides...some of whom got killed for their activism...springs to mind.

Our history is filled with people in the majority who didn't have to educate themselves and work tirelessly for the rights of people not-them. People who didn't rely on the minority to approach them first. Who took it upon themselves to do something...maybe out of religious reasons or who knows why.

I tend to have a much more hopeful view of humanity than you are stating in your posts. I believe that people are not fundamentally selfish. I believe that people are generally interested in others...and empathetic. I don't think that people generally get their kick putting down others. I expect the best out of people. And that means I expect them to educate themselves on matters once it becomes apparent they need to. And to step up apologize when they've hurt someone. I treat people they way I want to be treated. And I try to be the change I wish to see. That means, educating myself on topics I'm ignorant about. Listening when people freak out on me. Caring. And expecting others to rise to similar humane standards.

Oh by the way, you said: But the point is, we have to try to keep emotion out of the discussion.

I have found emotion to be one of the only ways to reach people who are hurtful. To get them to be empathetic by appealing to their emotions. If I say, "That statement could be construed as upsetting to transgender people because it dehumanizes them" The person I'm talking to often shrugs and says, "No it doesn't" or "I didn't mean to." But when I say, with feeling, "You have hurt me" -- that is harder to shrug off. It's like when someone has been kidnapped, it is recommended to humanize the victim, play on emotion to try to get the kidnapper to engage emotionally. Being too rational can make it too easy that we are talking about people...can make it all too abstract...and then too easy to justify hurtful behavior.

Of course, if you are succuessful in your social justice work appealing to logic only, good on you, and keep up the good work.