Pitiful.

For some reason yesterday and today, more than any other time in the past week, I've been feeling more heartsick and lonely. Not in a real tragic or depressing way. But more in the way that produces bad poetry and cheesy Hallmark cards. I'm just straight up missing her. And I feel lame for it. But whatever. I should stop comparing my situation with others as a means of making myself feel better, because it doesn't work and its pointless. I can't read the newspaper and search for horrible stories and then say to myself "well it could be worse -- I could be in some war-torn country". I can't even compare my feelings and situations to other friends and acquaintances. It's not fair to me nor is it respectful to them. Microcosm, macrocosm. Apples and oranges. Whatever.

I made a Mark Eitzel best of mixtape last night. Or more of a retrospective, really. Perhaps that's why I'm fcked up. He's such a dark and meloncholy singer, but that's part of why I love him.

I admire Joe's resistance to the survey. And I propose that we band together a create a new super LJ survey. Anyone can contribute between 5-10 questions, then we'll all post it as one long survey. The goal is to spread it all over LJ. The survey to end all surveys.....

I volunteer myself as compiler if anyone's interested -- send me your questions!

[But for now, back to "regular" work....]

By the way....

My porn got delivered yesterday! I can't believe they were so fast. I did an online order at 7 pm on Thursday and it arrived on Monday! Of course I wasn't home, but I went by the post office and picked it up this morning. It's sort of annoying to have to go to the post office to pick up packages, but there's something exciting about it as well. So anyway, I feel so dirty (in a good way) because I have all my Nina Hartley How-To movies in my bag and nobody knows about it!!!! Mwahahaha. Tonight I shall have a marathon. Or maybe just an hour. I also want to watch the movie Chicken Run. A disjointed double feature? Not in my book. That's just the kind of guy I am. Sick and twisted, that it.

Now if only my new packer and new electric vibrator would get delivered as well. I order them on Friday, and I believe they're shipping UPS. So perhaps by the end of the week.....

And in unrelated news, in honor of my temporary summer single-ness, I haven't shaved in a week (since she left, basically). I look sufficiently scruffy and shadowy and not as cute, but it's fine by me. I may grow my sideburns back in, if I'm feeling patient. Damon actually noticed my shadow on Sunday.....I'll see how it goes. The unkemptness also adds to my dirty nature. Ha ha.

Free Underwear!!!

So....yesterday I called the underwear catalog place, and the woman was so nice and said that after 3 weeks they declare packages "lost" and so even though it was one day short of the deadline, she would go ahead and mark it lost and re-send me my order via Priority Mail. Guess what happened today? I got the package!!! So i'm hoping I'll get a double shipment of underwear and socks. Yay!!! I don't really feel bad about this, seeing it's a $30 order and they'll probably ask very few questions. I'm going to go home and put on crisp white briefs and watch porn. Ha.

And in other wonderful news -- I got an e-mail from Melanie!! It was sweet and wonderful that it almost made it worse. If that makes any sense. Like I'm feeling almost like I'd prefer to not hear from her, because once a week is SOOO tortuous. But it's not true at all -- I'll take anything I can get for a fix to help my jonesing. She said she listened to my mixtape at night when she couldn't sleep. My heart melted. So I'm glad I'm sending her 2 other mixtapes. And it definitely makes me want to re-record the Volume 4 tape. I'm doing that tonight. Maybe I'll send batteries for her walkman, too. I'm also sending a phone card so she can call me! I'm so devious. I'll probably write a letter too, but I"m scared it's going to be all sappy and silly and sentimental. Oh well.

Gotta go to therapy now.....